Pandora's Aquarium: Assisted Support - Pandora's Aquarium

Entry No.3
What support do you have now to assist you in your sexual healing?
a.Self-Care: journal writing, positive self-talk, ability to feel your emotions, eating well and exercising, somatic practices, spiritual practice.
b.Community Support: peer support group, therapist, friends you can talk to about sex and recovery.
a. At first, just my paper diary. I had a separate one that was full of my ventings and when I finished it, my last entry was about how it didn't help and how I'm still angry. The last time I looked through it, there was lots of large print filled with anger and fear. It's painful to look back on any of my diaries, but this was was scary and had triggers too. When I discovered diaryland and Pandy's, that self-care helped me too. I could process my thoughts and feelings, but it was still based in anger. Always feeling like I didn't do enough to solve this and to come out victorious, like I was a coward and that everyone has the wrong idea about it no matter what I said. The message boards were reflective in that I feel like I have the same feelings that the other members are going through. In my eOrganizer, I keep memos that stay positive, like, it wasn't your fault and you did nothing wrong. Even my cellphone has a notes section, so I write the same things there and then some. I try to eat when I'm hungry, but sometimes it's not scheduled. I don't eat for many hours, then when it's late at night, I pig out on pasta or make popcorn. I've been a vegan for 10 years, but the negative thing about it is looking for food items and recipes that don't have meat, dairy or eggs in them, instead of focussing on what is actually in them. When I get depressed or anxious, I lose my appetite. Sometimes I wish I could have a gluttonous moment and pig out, but sometimes my eyes are bigger than my stomach. My only spiritual practice is that I go to these atheist meetings once a month and talk about my beliefs. I'm not very intellectual like some other the other members and sometimes I feel less intelligent, but it's still a good group. I won't talk too much about those beliefs here, not now anyway. Don't want to bring too much focus to that here and provoke anyone's hot buttons.
b. As far as Community support is concerned, I've had a therapist long time ago, but that was in Vancouver and that lasted just over a year. It was very helpful while it lasted, but the centre closed down and he said if he got his business running again, then he'd call me. I never heard from him again for several months. I wish there were someone I could talk to about that I trust 100 %. There's a meetup group on the internet for sexual assault survivors, but I'm afraid of who'll show up, plus I don't think there is one here in Winnipeg. It's an international thing, but you can meetup in your hometown. I belong to other groups on this site, but this is too close to home for me to meetup with. I'd be too afraid. The idea scares me. It scared me to see a therapist, but I got over that. I need to bring out my feelings instead of keeping them on this thing and in private diaries.