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Saying Never

Posted by raw&burnt , 20 January 2013 · 64 views

Those who doubted me will never understand.
I'll never heal from this scarring event in my life.
Nobody goes through life unscarred.
To have gone through life without being scarred it to have never lived.
You learn more about people and life by all the trials and tribulations that happen in and around you.
As long as their blind loyalty went to him, t...


Just Gimme a Sec

Posted by raw&burnt , 10 May 2012 · 71 views

I need to go to sleep, but I just wanted to jot down some thoughts.
If anyone is also seeing someone that's been molested when they were younger, how do you deal with it?
I love her and I care about her, but she told me in the middle of making out.
I'm afraid of triggering her and just making her feel like a thing instead of a sexual being. I see...


In the Corner of my Brain

Posted by raw&burnt , in Stream Of Thought. 07 May 2012 · 62 views

I've always had this abstract summation about the stupid incident that happened 14.5 years ago. In my building, all the people who didn't believe me, all those who told themselves that the rapist was a decent guy, I've come up with this: They were a bunch of straight, sexually frustrated men who supported another sexually frustrated straight m...


This Was Bound to Happen

Posted by raw&burnt , in Stream Of Thought. 17 January 2012 · 84 views

With all of these "Shit Girls Say" videos and their off shoots, it was bound to happen that one about r@pe victims would come about. I've had these things said to me and in so many different forms. I wonder how ignorant or lacking in knowledge I was before it happened to me? The only thing I can take away from it is that I know the horror of i...


Other Writings

Posted by raw&burnt , in Stream Of Thought. 16 June 2011 · 58 views

I've discovered a website called, 750 Words and it's been great. No, I won't trade in Pandy's for that site, but it has been a great brain dump there. It's totally anonymous and you earn badges there. I'm not explaining it properly.
It's better if I just give you a link to it here .
I've been writing there every day since...



Posted by raw&burnt , 09 December 2010 · 17 views

Performing on stage and before a camera:
I love being an actor, ever since I was in Junior High School. I almost wish though, that there was some other passion that took me away from this frivolous profession and into a stable job. I've toyed with wanting to work at r*pe crisis centres, helping others, but it has given me many wonderful moments in m...


Last Wednesday.

Posted by raw&burnt , in Stream Of Thought. 09 December 2010 · 22 views

My dad had a seizure in October, stayed at the hospital for 39 days until the doctors couldn't do anything more. My dad wasn't waking up or coming to. He'd been unconscious the whole time he was there. Last Wednesday, with my mom, brother, Aunt and Uncle, and myself, we watched as morphine was injected in him before he was unplugged and reliev...


They Always Look So Normal

Posted by raw&burnt , 21 June 2010 · 37 views

I came home from work and my dad was watching this episode of Oprah:
We try to portray sexual perpetrators like they're inhuman, when the sickening thing is that they look ordinary.

The thing that bothered me, one of many, was how the people I trusted could only say that he was a decent person. Well, he's not going to look like a Martian or some...


Popes, Priests, Cardinals & Everyone Else.

Posted by raw&burnt , 21 June 2010 · 17 views

You can find way too many stories on the internet and every scrap of media about priests molesting kids. It's everywhere. I don't look at them the same anymore.

It's been suggested that all the religious leaders be made accountable for shuffling their molesting brothers off to another church.

Everyone should go to prison and rot then.



I Can't Afford To Believe

Posted by raw&burnt , 21 June 2010 · 18 views

I can't afford to believe that he was a decent person after what he did.
I can't afford to pretend it didn't happen.
I can't afford to dismiss it and theorize about the incident.
I can't afford to talk constantly about what happened to me.
I can't afford to talk to anyone else about it because I'm done.
I can't afford to do...


I Wish!

Posted by raw&burnt , in Stream Of Thought. 19 March 2010 · 19 views

I wish I told my entire story to everyone so they'd know the truth.
I wish I was stronger against all the ignorance and disrespect.
I wish I took him to court even when the detectives said they'd have to go through my journals and that I'd have to find others to vouch for me in court.
I wished I had more guts throughout the whole thing.
I can...


Disgusted to the Point of Vomiting.

Posted by raw&burnt , 18 March 2010 · 16 views

I made a new friend on facebook, so I was checking out his profile. He'd seen an article off the internet and linked it to his page.

I'd seen a similar piece on tv many years ago where a girl was r*ped, but because she stabbed him, possibly even killing him, she was the criminal.

It bothered me about the whole "It's a cultural thing...


Nothing Happened

Posted by raw&burnt , in Stream Of Thought. 21 February 2010 · 68 views

I was at work yesterday for a few hours that almost seem like I don't need to travel the whole hour to get there. When I'd finished, I checked my phone and a theatre producer called and left a message. I did a show a few weeks ago, not expecting a huge pay cheque, but she called saying I had some money. I wanted to get to a film premiere anyway, b...


It Wasn't Him

Posted by raw&burnt , 21 February 2010 · 21 views

I was at work one day, a few months ago, when this Iranian man came in to make a purchase. He was a decent enough man, but his accent triggered me. I felt nauseous and my knees wanted to buckle. I hated that he reminded me of my perpetrator, that any Iranian man will have this affect on me, that my association with Iranian men will be the guy who ruined m...


An Important Article

Posted by raw&burnt , 21 February 2010 · 59 views

I was surfing through Twitter when I found this article that I found important.

If I distributed this throughout my last building, they'd dismiss it.
I'm still disgusted with everyone's attitudes.



Posted by raw&burnt , 15 February 2010 · 17 views


The word came at me and made me realized that that was wanted from him.
I wanted all the people who told me that he was a decent guy to have a strong argument, but all they could say was, "He's a decent guy". After what he did to me, anything and everything about him was trumped by his abusive act, and his old self was dead to me....



Posted by raw&burnt , 09 January 2010 · 17 views

It's been a while since writing in here, even logging onto this site. Sometimes just coming here triggers me, but I think of this place often.
I have a new laptop computer, so most of my stuff is more private and I can feel more comfortable about coming to this site. Not that my mom could see what's on here, but if this site even appeared on the b...


The Middle of the Year.

Posted by raw&burnt , 24 June 2009 · 20 views

Often, the backlash of the r*pe still takes over me and the memories feel like I'm reliving them.
I process it every single day, without exaggeration.
My conclusions are:

The ignorant ones rely on personal bias to think for them.
True friends would never pick a side if they wanted to help.
He wasn't a decent man, but obviously a typical one, and...


Oh, Mr. Clooney, Say It Ain't So!

Posted by raw&burnt , 11 May 2009 · 16 views

As beautiful as I think George Clooney is, this really disappointed me about him.
Really, George?

George Clooney Testifies -- The Defense Rests!
Posted May 4th 2009 4:28PM by TMZ Staff

Rande Gerber's sexual harassment lawsuit is about to get even sexier -- George Clooney will take the stand. Put another way, he's testifying against the c...


Intrusive Thoughts.

Posted by raw&burnt , 11 May 2009 · 16 views


Every day of my life. Can you relate? Gets in my way of a normal happy life. I persist through them, but they're there, like an emotional tumour.

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