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I can't believe I'm back here again

Posted by AMYS1974 , 18 November 2012 · 68 views

I just want to get over this crap seriously. I can't even walk in the dark without my heart beating out of my chest and sweating profusely. This is crazy. I always think someone is going to attack me and I've been barracading myself in my room again at night I hate this. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this but a counsler and I can't seem to find one free in the great state of Iowa. I was doing counseling in Texas and I guess it was helping although it was bringing alot out and I was afraid to talk about it. I don't know why. I know I didnt' do anything wrong but man I hate even talking about it thinking about it. But it affects my life so much and I hate that that one fucking night has so much impact on my life years later. I hate that I hid it so long I wish I would have just came out right when it happend but truth is I was afraid he would kill me and by the time he was gone I thought nobody would believe me because I waited so long. I hate feeling like this I just want to be normal and not scared about stupid thing like walking in a dark hallway shouldn't give me a fucking anxiety attack. geez. I feel like I can't trust anyone to talk about this its so bad. I don't want to live like this anymore.

Nov 18 2012 02:15 PM
It is not stupid to be scared of a dark hallway. I have my moments as well. When it comes to that one night, it sounds like you are doubting yourself. Remember at the time you were thinking of surviving and you didn't think anyone would believe you. You made the right decision for you at the time. I am sad for you. But, I hope that you can find someone to talk to and and that you find a counselor in Iowa. It is hard for me to trust people too. Please continue to reach out here and talk as much as you need too.
Hun i too am afraid of the dark period I hate being alone at night
You are not stupid ok you are frightened and rightly so hun and in pain
I hope too that you can talk to your doctor a councilor someone hun ok
It does not matter how long it has been you need hun to talk
We are listening to you hun and we understand hugs

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