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I got a call from the investigator and they are opening up two cases one civilian and one military against my ex. I didn't want this I don't want to face this. I hate that I have to even talk about this. I wanted to just forget it all. And I can't even remember dates or anything. My kids are going to know and I worked soooo hard hiding everything from them. I hid it from everyone. Noone knew anyone and now everyone is going to know. It's so embarrassing. I don't want people to know what was done to me. I don't want anyone to know how stupid I was. I stayed with him after he raped me. I don't know why I was in such shock. I can't even talk to anyone that's why I'm on this site. Noone understands. I don't even understand. I didn't want to press charges what for? They will make me look so bad I know they will. And my kids will know this about their dad. I don't want my kids to know what he did. I know they will internilize it. I hate him so much. He ruins everyones lives. I can't do this I don't have the strength I really don't. I wish I could just forget about it all. I hate that I can't. I want it to just go away. I wish I could curl up in a ball and disappear..............
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2 Comments On This Entry
Amys1974 you don't have to talk to investigators if you don't want to. You have the right to say "I don't want to press charges and I will not cooperate with you." and they by law must obey your wishes they should not be pushing you forward any longer. Also you shouldn't be embarassed about being assaulted you didn't do anything wrong. He's the one that hurt you and more often than not survivors who are in an intimate relationship with an abuser don't leave and for good reasons some are threaten, some out of fear, some abusers do this sort of brainwashing technique were they'll be mean by pyshically beating or emotionally abusing someone then act really nice and say they wont ever do it again and keep that routine going which will make the victim hold on to the hope that the abuser may change someday or that he's not that bad, etc. So don't feel ashamed because he manipulated you that shame is on him and no one else.
Believe2589,
03 April 2011 - 08:29 PM
Thank you....I'm going to go forward with the charge in Germany but the one in Phoenix I'm not going to because it was so long ago I just don't even want to bother with that one. It's not going to change anything. This is so emotionally exhausting.
AMYS1974,
06 April 2011 - 11:01 PM
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