Pandora's Aquarium: Still here - Pandora's Aquarium

I am still here. I was thinking the majority of the flashbacks were gone since it's been so damn long since the rape. But my new husband was joking around with me in the bathroom and was pretending to have sex with me on the sink and it came back fast. Really fast. I had to say quit it or something like that and move away from him because it was like I was right back there. It shocked me because I thought I was done with the flashbacks that are that intense. How do I get rid of this? It so fucking frustrating. Usually I dream about it like in bits and pieces but the flashbacks when I am awake have been far and in between. I'm sick of talking about it even though I really don't. And I have never told anyone full details and how I felt. Just bits and pieces. I looked real stupid too and he just said I was just kidding. I know he was but I wasn't there I was somewhere else I couldn't tell him. I feel crazy. I want to be normal. I feel like I will never be normal. I don't even know what the fuck normal is really. I had a dream the other night that he was there and whispering to me saying that I act like I've never been fucked bfore. that is something he said to me over and over again among other things. It woke me up out of a dead sleep. I really thought he was there. I'm sick of this and don't want it in my life at all and it keeps coming back. I don't even think about it! it just pops up in the most inconvenient times. Has anyone else had this happen? I was raped four years ago!! why am I still having this shit happen to me? :angry:/>