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when is it MY time?

15 October 2007
Posted by nee  
I feel like i'm going to have a nervous breakdown today. i've probably had several and don't even know it. what is it anyways? sometimes i wish i could just get away from everyone and everything. the only people i even want to be with right now....are my kids. that's really sad to say. i love my husband so much, but i just...
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the beginning of the story

14 October 2007
Posted by nee  
I want to go back to where it all started. Maybe I'll remember something else.

We moved to a place where C could have a better job, more money, and a chance to better himself. It was 1989, kris wasnt' very old. dad had told c that we could move with him, have our own place, make more money. we could finally do something better for...
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triggered

12 October 2007
Posted by nee  
I haven't been triggered by anything in a while....but I just read this post about how she was angry at her parents for not recognizing the
signs of her being abused.

That brings back sooooo much. I remember when britt came to me one night and said she couldn't breathe, she had her neck extended and
she was gasping for air. I've...
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I hate my job

12 October 2007
Posted by nee  
Today was pretty good. I just gotta learn not to get so upset at work. I hate my job, but can't afford to go anywhere else right now. I got
ripped by the boss yesterday for not telling him who was spreading rumors about the store closing. I refuse to nark. He won't fire me cuz
no one else will do my job. Maybe I shouldn't be so...
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Hope this makes sense

11 October 2007
Posted by nee  
Why do I hate everything sooo much? I used to love to go out and do things. I used to love to talk on the phone. I had friends, too. Now, OMG,
I hate everything!!!

I hate staying home all day, but I don't want to leave.

I don't like people, but I don't like being alone.

I hate the way I look, but don't want to do...
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Posted by nee  
My friend from middle school contacted me yesterday. I'm so excited!! She was one of the best people I can remember. She was so full of life
but she was only here for a year. I got in touch with her through a website and she said she never thought I would even remember her.

Of course, I remember her. She is such a great...
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A memory or a dream?

09 October 2007
Posted by nee  
When I was 5 or 6, my parents, sister, & I moved here. My sister and I fought constantly. Althought, I always thought she was the favorite
of our dad's. Mom was always there for us.

One day I was in the house by myself. My parents and sister were outside. The phone rang and I ran to answer it. The voice on the other end
asked if...
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Was I raped by L too?

08 October 2007
Posted by nee  
After I separated from C, I really wanted to get out there and go crazy. I wanted to find out what I'd been missin I guess. There was an older man
(about dad's age) that came in where I worked all the time and talked to me. I thought he was nice. He would take me to lunch, treat my kids very
well, etc....but he also did that to some...
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Posted by nee  
I can't sleep. Things going through my mind so fast. I remember the hurt, I remember the pain.

This part might get a little graphic but I have to get it out. I don't know ihow much of this I want to share with my husband. Poor guy doesn't know what to tell me most of the time when I have my flashbacks.

Don't even know where...
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Posted by nee  
I have a hard time talking about things sometimes. My mind is just a big mess. I've tried talking to people but it's almost like they don't want to hear about it, don't want to know what happened to me sfor all those years. But I don't want to talk about all of it either, it seems like people run and hide when i do. They...
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