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If God is testing me...let this be the final thing. I'm to the point, I just don't know how I'm going to make it. I've said this 1000 times, I know. Today I broke down and cried and cried. I just don't know what to do. I have pushed so many people out of my life, there's not many left.
Today was suppose to be a good day. Today is my day to spend with my grandson. He is amazing. He said my name to me for the 1st time today. It was like music to my ears. I love that little guy so much. Reminds me of when my girls were little. They have always been my best friends.
Has anyone ever felt like your head is in a lightning storm? being zapped from the inside....scares the shit out of me. Since I've been overstressed this week...it's been going on and on. Think I'm going to talk to the doc when she calls next week about my biopsy results. Maybe she'll put me on some sedatives. Last night I was so upset I took my sleeping pill...a benadryl, and 3 advil...and had a couple drinks and it still took over 3 hrs to relax enough to go to sleep and I was wide awake at 8 this morning. I hate that I can't even relax.
Anyways, so today was great while my little grandson was here. He made me laugh and smile...things I haven't done much of lately. Then my husband calls and says one of his best friends that he grew up with dad died. His friend and his daughter will be driving from fl to ca...and since we're 1/2 way...he asked if they could stay here overnight. if it was on a weekend, it wouldn't really be a big deal. but me having to go to work monday morning and not sleeping worth a shit at night...and my stepson working overnight and coming in at the buttcrack of dawn and wanting to go crash, it would be a pain in the butt. so, my mom & her dipshit have 12 acres and a cabin that they rent out from time to time or relatives stay when they're in town, whatever....i called my mom who has been diagnosed with alzheimers but is doing ok, and asked if she would mind if they stayed there just overnight. she said she would have to talk to my stepsister and HER boyfriend to see if it's ok. WTF??? are they living there??? seriously??? she's a 38 yr old woman who uses all her $$ for drugs and hates her own 5 yr old twin girls.....really mom????? THEN she says...well i guess it would be ok..tell him it's $125 for the night!!!! WTF?????? really mom????? my crack head stepsister and her bd and kids are staying there for FREE and i'm SURE they don't clean up anything since she thinks YOU are her personal MAID and her dad is her fucking SLAVE....but OUR friend who needs a place to stay on the way across the country you're going to CHARGE???? FUCK YOU!!!! I told her forget it, that's fine, they can just stay here and i hung up on her. I"M DONE!!!!!! I have done SOOOOOOOO MUCH for those people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so pissed right now about everything I just don't know what I'm going to do......
i know karma will kick my ass if i ask the question i really want to ask....but i won't.