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Can this really be real

Posted by ~Samantha~ , 24 July 2014 · 86 views

Can this really be real For three years I have been dating and actually got engaged almost a year ago I thought to this incredible man of God studying to be a pastor.  Yet here I am.  I ended up breaking things off with him this past Sunday.  I still do care about him and I do think that he will be an incredible pastor but what he wanted from me is not what we agreed on.  When it comes down to it there were three main issues to why I ended this with the leading of God and the Holy Spirit. 
I do not feel that I did the wrong thing, but at the same time I feel incredibly lost.  I was suppossed to be getting married on January 17, 2015 and instead I sit here unsure of anything about my future anymore.  I hate this feeling and I am honestly lost at how to deal with any of this anymore because the reality of the truth is that I am functioning as if nothing is wrong when all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs.  I know I should be grateful that I least I figured this all out before I got married and had kids, but it is at the same time an extremem struggle. 
I for once in my life felt that I was heading to a different direction with so much healing it is incredible.  Yet here I am in the debths of another kind of hurt.  I have had to come to the realization that this is not the same kind of hurt and pain that I have felt before with all of the trauma issues, but at the same time this is an extremly hurtful and painful period.  Now I have a wedding dress that I love sitting in my closet unsure of anything about the future.
Well I guess in the long run all these feelings really don't matter, and the reality is I have to work on my homework for this dumb course.  I just wish that I could get this out of my head.
I am sorry that this is not related to what is normally on this website, I just needed a safe place to post so I could get some of this out of me instead of the possiblity of exploding anytime soon.  I guess for now I need to just remember the words that are in this picture. 

I'm sorry that things didn't work out. I think it is great that you have enough awareness that you realized that things were going in the wrong direction and that you were able to stop that train. It is a tough thing to do. 


I look at these blogs as whatever a person here is dealing with. It is right that you are here. And that is all that is important. Whatever you write here is about you and what you deal with. 

July 2015

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