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Can this really be real

Posted by ~Samantha~ , 24 July 2014 · 88 views

Can this really be real For three years I have been dating and actually got engaged almost a year ago I thought to this incredible man of God studying to be a pastor.  Yet here I am.  I ended up breaking things off with him this past Sunday.  I still do care about him and I do think that he will be an incredible pastor but what he wanted from me is not what we agr...


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Why?

Posted by ~Samantha~ , 12 October 2013 · 130 views

I find myself here in the same spot I have found myself to be in a lot the last week. Disappointed at myself and just trying to figure out what the heck is going on. But at the end of the day I still find myself asking the same questions.

-Why did my mom sell me?
-Why did those guys want to take advantage of me?
-Was the money really worth it?
-Why did...


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Lost and Done

Posted by ~Samantha~ , 13 November 2012 · 107 views

I know that I don't normally put anything here, but I am in the mood to start journaling again, maybe it will help to express things. This is not really everything or explains everything it is just a bunch of feelings and things going on exploding into a writing so I can go back to my essay.

November 13, 2012
I so badly want to try and get the idea...


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Can this Feeling go AWAY

Posted by ~Samantha~ , 13 February 2012 · 98 views

I feel so alone, unwanted, and like the piece of garbage people have always said that I am. I know that it is something that people say oh it is fine and it is ok that I am feeling this, but it is not. I am hurt because of words that were said, but the only reason that it hurts because maybe it is true. If first years who have only known me for 6 month...


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IT'S NOT MY FAULT

Posted by ~Samantha~ , 14 May 2008 · 116 views

Well here is this I just have spent sometime writing this and it was incredibly amazing at how I did. Maybe going to add to my post on my story.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
No matter how much people sit around and tell me that this horrible act committed...


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Learning

Posted by ~Samantha~ , 20 July 2007 · 92 views

I am finally learning about my life. Yes I am still numb. Yes I still hurt. And hell yes the events are never going to always be with me. But I think I am finally learning that I can not control everything and somethings are so far out that I can't do anything about it.
I blamed myself for the past two and a half months since the event has happe...


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Should I

Posted by ~Samantha~ , 19 July 2007 · 56 views

I am feeling some guilt about not telling my mom and in the end about not telling my family for the sexual assault. I am not sure whether I should or not. I mean that I know she hurt me for 17 and 1/2 years with physical, and especially verbal abuse. But am I inconsiderate for not telling my mom about this???????
Should I tell her??????
Will it even...


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I wonder about myself

Posted by ~Samantha~ , 18 July 2007 · 50 views

I sometimes wonder how crazy I really am. I notice that I am fully crazy but yet seem so normal.
I can not seem to take control of my life though I wish I could.
I try to take control in so many ways including si, ed and along with it trying to pack my schedule to hell amounts. Everyone thinks I am crazy for trying to take 17 credits worth of classes (f...


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Fucked up

Posted by ~Samantha~ , 17 July 2007 · 44 views

My life is so fucked up and I know it. My life is pretty much done for and nothing will keep it from fucking up even more. Life just seems to bite me in the ass all the time but hopefully I will finally be able to be happy. I hope that I will finally be able to turn the corner and be able to smile. I wish there was a lot more to my life but instead it...


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Life is a theatrical play

Posted by ~Samantha~ , 16 July 2007 · 42 views

More and more my life makes no sense and it is because I am playing a character I am not. The real me is hidden underneath a costume of someone that I must pretend to me.

sorry this is really quick but time to go to bed b/f I get into trouble. So off to bed without any sleep again.






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