My partner hurt me
Alot of things happend last nite that really hurt me. Maybe its all in my mind. I don't know. But part of me is so fucking angry, and so fucking hurtl I could take a broken bottle and just mash it over and over into my face. I was trying to talk to my mom about why she let me be abused. My mom let men rape me while she protected my sister. She used to scream that she hated me and that I ruined her life. I just want to be her daughter again. For her to love me for who I am. I was real upset in talking to her. I couldn't get the words out rite, but I think she knew what I was saying. My older partner Susan came into the room. I cut my words short, but I know Susan heard some of what I was saying. She had to know I was really upset. My mom tried to say something and Susan, out of the blue, said "oh don't worry about Shell, shes just tired and bitchy". I felt like so small after that. She stood up for my mother and put me in my place in a hurry. I cried and left the room. In bed I felt so awkward. I held on to Susan anyway but I just cried and cried inside. Does she know what she did to me? I could just scream. I feel so empty. I didn't tell my other partner about it. I don't know how. My mom. I don't know. I just want her to love me. I try to be a good person. I try not to be the whore she said I am. I can talk to myself about shit, but I can't talk to my mom or my partners.