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I went to visit "my" trees today.

Posted by PrincessVader , 21 March 2007 · 104 views

This has been a busy day for me.

I had two counseling appointments, both of which were needed. Then, instead of going home, I drove to the nearby mountains and visited "my" trees. Of course, they really belong to no one, but I love them, so they are like my babies.

I didn't get out of the car because it was raining, and I didn't bring an umbrella. Still, I felt their nurturing spirits reach down to me inside the car. Also, I knew that they were getting a much needed drink of fresh water.

Last weekend, I reached out to my daughter in pain, and she returned my call Sunday. We talked for two hours, and I felt that I had started to heal after having cried the entire two hours. We talked again Monday, but yesterday, we didn't talk. She had to prepare for a funeral for one of her co-workers. Last night, I had a suicidal thought, but I prayed, and it went away.

My daughter has been very supportive of me, and I am grateful for that, but last night, when I was alone with the asshole living right across the street from me, I lost hope, and the suicidal thought came. Then, I heard G-d say, "I'm here." I asked him to take away the pain because I couldn't handle it alone. Then, the pain and the thought went away. Again, I heard him say, "I'm here." Then, in gratitude, I lit some incense.

It still hurts, but my visit to my trees and the knowledge that my daughter and G-d are there for me are helping.



PrincessVader's Journal

Since I am a writer, I will use my writing to heal. From 17 March 2007 on, I will post my daily thoughts and feelings here. All survivors are welcome to comment. I :wub: hearing from each of you.Welcome to PrincessVader's Journal!This is where I come to heal.17 March 2007Today was not such a good day for me, but weekends are always bad since *it* happened on a weekend. However, I always manage to feel a little better after 2 AM on Sundays. I realized that I had to take an extra capsule of Effexor XR and some anti-anxiety medicine, but at least I could listen to my New Age music and chat with a friend. Occasionally, you will meet some of my spirit guides here. My favorite, "Jabba," who was my second husband in real life, and a dear man, is here most often, giving support. My mother, who passed away in 2000, and Laurie, my soul mate's mother, who passed away in 1999, are here often. Also included are writer Carl Sagan, an elderly chap named Aron and a genuine guardian angel whom I call John. They bring great comfort to me when I am able to "let them in." And Jesus, whom I call Yeshua, of course.Take a bow, Gentlemen and Ladies!Again, Welcome to my Little Healing Center!Blessings,Princess

June 2016

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