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Feeling Empty

Posted by MrsBose , 12 August 2014 · 41 views

My one true saving grace in my life is my Husband. I was in a really bad place 7 years ago when I met him. I probally just seemed insane to him. Crying for no reason, excessive binge drinking, fighting, anxiety....ugh...I look back like...what a tard I was!
He was understanding, sensative, sweet, and very very honest with me! Posted Image
He is my entire world.
I have a huge anxiety about being alone at night because of the fact that the "man" lives a few miles away. It makes me want to puke just thinking about it.
I have always had my sisters to stay with me when my husband left town for work...this time...they are both away at college.
I think having someone for the past 6.5 years always with me has hindered me. It's like a bandaid right??! I just need to do it. Um...no wait...what??!Posted Image
My husband got an emergency call an left today for work around 3pm and won't be back until Thursday.
I don't want anyone to know he is gone because I am convinced someone will come and break into my house and hurt me and my children. Obsviously this is a natural fear with reasoning behind it right??! NOT! and I know that...that is what kills me...that I know my fear is that FEAR but I let it take me over. I hate this! I don't want HIM to have this power over me.
Sometimes I wonder what he thinks about it...does he feel guilty? Does it keep him up at night? Is he scared?Posted Image
So anyways...here I sit...feeling empty...wishing I had a friend...made cupcakes with my kids...put them to bed...locked the door and I am having a glass of wine trying to relax and not fear. not worry. not be so lonely.
I know it kills my husband to leave. Especially this time knowing it's my first "night alone" in alomost 6.5 years!!! 29 years old and I am afraid to be alone??? Damn Him!
wishing my husband safe travels! LOVE  YOU!

April 2015

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