Jump to content






Photo

Feeling Empty

Posted by MrsBose , 12 August 2014 · 41 views

My one true saving grace in my life is my Husband. I was in a really bad place 7 years ago when I met him. I probally just seemed insane to him. Crying for no reason, excessive binge drinking, fighting, anxiety....ugh...I look back like...what a tard I was!
 
He was understanding, sensative, sweet, and very very honest with me! Posted Image
 
He is my entire world.
 
I have a huge anxiety about being alone at night because of the fact that the "man" lives a few miles away. It makes me want to puke just thinking about it.
 
I have always had my sisters to stay with me when my husband left town for work...this time...they are both away at college.
 
I think having someone for the past 6.5 years always with me has hindered me. It's like a bandaid right??! I just need to do it. Um...no wait...what??!Posted Image
 
My husband got an emergency call an left today for work around 3pm and won't be back until Thursday.
 
I don't want anyone to know he is gone because I am convinced someone will come and break into my house and hurt me and my children. Obsviously this is a natural fear with reasoning behind it right??! NOT! and I know that...that is what kills me...that I know my fear is that FEAR but I let it take me over. I hate this! I don't want HIM to have this power over me.
 
Sometimes I wonder what he thinks about it...does he feel guilty? Does it keep him up at night? Is he scared?Posted Image
 
So anyways...here I sit...feeling empty...wishing I had a friend...made cupcakes with my kids...put them to bed...locked the door and I am having a glass of wine trying to relax and not fear. not worry. not be so lonely.
 
I know it kills my husband to leave. Especially this time knowing it's my first "night alone" in alomost 6.5 years!!! 29 years old and I am afraid to be alone??? Damn Him!
 
wishing my husband safe travels! LOVE  YOU!



April 2015

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
26 27282930  

Recent Entries

Categories

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.