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New Diagnosis of PTSD

Posted by jsteph52 , 04 August 2014 · 59 views

Last week I went to therapy, and after asking my therapist to help me deal with my anxiety, she started asking some guiding questions, that eventually led her to say, "You are showing symptoms of PTSD." I don't know exactly what that means, if she is still trying to figure out if I do have it, or if that is a definite, you have this diagnosis. I will be seeing her on wednesday, so I can just ask her then. The diagnosis felt a little bit scary, and a little bit relieving at the same time. It definitely made me feel more human.
She has, again, encouraged me to write, and if possible, to write about my experiences, which is why I am back here. My assignment this week is to write something about how I see myself. This is proving to be more difficult than I anticipated. Of course I want to be brutally honest, so that we can address these things, but, I still have the insecurity nagging at me. Its also hard to put into words exactly how I see myself. I definitely feel like I am not very attractive, too heavy, not beautiful/ etc... but in a very specific way. Its beyond feeling unattractive, its almost like I feel like I'm too masculine, or if I'm not too masculine, I'm too weak. Sorry for the babbling. I'm still struggling to figure this one out. Some of the descriptors I've come up with are "too big," "Scared of confrontation," "compassionate," "Intelligent," "ugly," "timid," and "Idealistic". Any way, I'm just sort of rambling. This wasn't meant to go anywhere specific, I'm just trying to compartmentalize some of these new discoveries. Thanks for being an ear!
Jen



I like your descriptors. Sound very much like what my list would be. Good luck in Weds, I hope you get what you need from your T. Safe :hug:

Thank you Qrious. If you get a chance to try out the writing prompt, I hope you do. It's much harder than I thought it would be. take care!

 My assignment this week is to write something about how I see myself. This is proving to be more difficult than I anticipated. ... Its also hard to put into words exactly how I see myself.

 

 

I was asked much the same thing. And I didn't know. I couldn't answer that. I think I could do a bit better now but I think it still would be hard. It looks like you are off to a good start.

Thanks Candu. It's a strange question for sure, but It makes sense that this would be a point of focus. I hear those of us who've gone through SA tend to have self-esteem problems. It is incredible how we are so profoundly affected by this. I am just now beginning to see how much of my personality, and how much suffering I've experienced is a result of this. 

Jen

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