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Introductions *Potential trigger warning**

Posted by DbikGiizisKwe , 16 July 2014 · 133 views

The first time B touched me, his electric and greedy fingers left scars on my skin that stung and I thought it was love. Well, perhaps not quite love but, maybe it was close. Although his touch was unwelcome and it made my skin crawl and my heart sink I thought "this is what love is." I stood, my body young and curvy, far before my friends, missing my old body. Hungry for days because I longed to get the pre-13 skinny. I whispered to B, in the fluorescent lighting of the school library, that I was starving myself. As i whispered this truth, his electric fingers found my body and ran along my every curve and I found myself frozen in misguided submission and fear. Because he touched me, I thought that my anorexia made me beautiful. Although my hand had never been held, my lips never kissed, he felt as though my body was open to his thorough inspection.
With an angry, drunken father at home I rarely knew love from the rage of the bottle and the tears, sensitivity and submission of my mother.
I thought I had to take his touch, and that when his tough and forceful hand led me to hisself that I was expected to fulfil his desire. I thought I was being a woman, and I hoped that my feelings of emptiness and being used up when his firey touch was forced upon me was not in vain.
Later, confronting him saying I felt his touch and him forcing me to pleasure him was wrong he merely said..
"I can't help it, you're so tempting to me"
"Perhaps you should dress more modestly"
"I don't actually like you, but your body is one of my biggest temptations."

Introductions, this was the beginning of years of sexual invasion and assault that numbed me to the rights of my own body.



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intrepidshe
Jul 17 2014 10:12 PM

I'm so very sorry these things happened to you. TGC.

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