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The long descent

Posted by jsm_pdx , 24 June 2014 · 89 views

I keep hoping to reach bottom. Then I can climb out. Doesn't appear I've gotten there yet. At least if I fail this time I'll know I've put all my cards on the table. ... If I fail or quit I'm not sure I'll make it. I've started talking about the aftermath of my disclosure to my family with my T. Up to now it's probably the most difficult thing I've had to talk about. It's all tangled up with so many other things. And I realized today it's part of the reason why I feel so disconnected from the pain of the CSA - since I didn't "heal quick enough" after telling my family (I'm paraphrasing their words) I just shut down and shut everyone out. And tried to bury it. For the last 23 years. It's not working out very well. I'm on the brink. I need a sign. Something that says even if there is a light miles from here that I'm at least progressing toward something positive. I can't see it. I feel like I'm mired in negativity of a past I can't escape.

Jun 25 2014 09:17 PM
The bottom has to be there. I wish I could give you a metaphorical flashlight to give you comfort that it's there and you can't sink forever. Families suck. I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to disclose to/ confront mine. You must have incredible strength within you. Sending support your way.

July 2016

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