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My story

Posted by BabyMaryJane , 06 June 2014 · 95 views

I don't know if I should be here or not.. I have read so many stories and they are all so horrible and they women in them are just so strong to have not only gone through what they did, but talk about it. I just feel as though I am wasting people's time and for that i am sorry, but I have no where else to go. My story involves my sister (S), her ex-husband (B) and to an extent my father (D).
 
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Let me start by saying I am no stranger to the company of older men. When I was 12 my first kiss was to an 18 boy (K) who wanted to do anything he could within the short moments we were alone together. This included putting my hand on his, him touching my breasts, wanting everything I was willing to give him. Honestly I wonder if he had had more time, how far things would have gone..
 
But that is not why I am here. I am here to talk about my experience that took place three years later. (sometimes I feel like K was a foreshadowing of what was going to be my life). When I was 15, S got married to this guy B she met in Vegas after having a one night stand. B was awesome. We liked all of the same things, he was always nice to me, and a VERY attractive 21 year old Marine. And yeah I kind of had a crush on him. When they first got married, D took the 3 of us to Disneyland. What was weird though, is D and S would walk so far away that they practically left B and I completely alone. And no one other than me thought it was strange that he walked with his arm around me (even though I Was very cold).
 
After D and I left, B and I kept talking over the phone almost everyday. Our conversations were nothing serious at first, and I loved having an older brother. Then he started getting more flirtatious and I didn't say anything to correct the behavior, I had never had someone make me feel like he made me feel. Every time we talked I felt truly loved. He would tell me loves me more than S, that he wanted to run away with me so that we could be together (basically everything I had ever wanted someone to say to me). But I told him nothing beyond flirting could EVER happen between us. 
 
A few months later (him still contacting me everyday) B and S came up to have a family "post wedding" dinner for the two of them. as everyone was visiting, I was told to give B a tour of my uncles house. As we walked around, he kept bumping into me and hugging me a bunch saying he had missed me. Then as I was walking out of a room, he came up and dove his face into my neck and kissed my like no one ever had before. I didn't know what to do so I just laughed and kept going. 
 
That night B, S and I all went back to my dads. Around midnight everyone went upstairs to sleep except for B and I ( I had to sleep downstairs on the couch). As soon as everyone was gone he told me he had gotten me a present but he wanted to wait until we were alone to show me. It was a bracelet. i had never had a boy give me a present before, nothing like this anyway and I was so excited! He said it was because he loved having me as a little sister so much he had to get me something. I reached out to grab it but he pulled it away and asked " well what do I get for it?" I was really confused so he said "I want a kiss." I looked at him weird but gave him a  quick peck on the cheek. He laughed and said I could do better. So I did... I kissed him hard... I sold my soul for a fucking bracelet... As soon as I finished he gave me the bracelet and went to bed. I was so confused. Stuck between excitement and fear of what the hell I had just done...



BMJ Ok now you have to laugh I had my reply to you typed out and lost it .......seriously. Here we go I am sorry this happened to you. Remember he was an adult you were not. What he did was planned and thought out.... he bought you gifts, had you keep secrets, broke down phyical barriers to what touch is ok, made you feel loved and special, then he tricked you into doing something you may regret or later feel bad about. Calucated and preplanned by an adult who knew better not your fault. I had a crush on my sisters husband, thankfully he was a good guy he was kind and fun only in appropriate ways and I got over the normal crush teen girls have without any harm done.
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BabyMaryJane
Jun 06 2014 05:11 PM

i definitely ha a little laugh Elaina :) Thank you for your words. Its just so strange to have someone make you feel like you are i control when you aren't even close... i wish he would've been like your brother in law! Ever since this happened  feel as though i can't get close to men unless I am prepared to go further sexually... I just want friends!

What Elaina said.

But what happened with K is also vital to your story.

He abused your trust. 12 is VERY young. 18 is a COMPLETELY different developmental stage - not just 'an older boy'.

I'm sorry that these two abused you. And I'm sorry that your Dad failed to protect you. He let you down.

I'm so sorry.

:metoyou:
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BabyMaryJane
Jun 07 2014 03:49 PM

Susanna thank you... I never thought of myself as the victim of sexual assault, I just thought it was something to be expected of men... Only recently have I started to see things differently, as I get older, and understand what their age really meant... its kind of mind shattering. 

 

Thank you!

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BabyMaryJane
Jun 07 2014 03:54 PM

Its strange now that I think back to K... I never thought of that situation as too impactful in my life until B happened.. Then I questioned everything in my life. Even now it is sometimes hard for me to differentiate healthy love and a bad situation.. Its amazing how something that seems so small at one point, can carve such a big hole of misunderstanding within you later in life.

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BabyMaryJane
Jun 08 2014 03:38 PM

In order to really explain this story I have to say, my sister and I have never had a good relationship. It has always been her and my dad against my mom, and I stayed with my mom but would waver in the middle because I loved them all...

 

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The next day was very awkward... Everywhere the four of us went, B would find time to be alone with me. He would walk by and rub against me, or grab me, and I would let him... I was so confused I actually liked the attention, but then my heart would break as he would go to the same to S... I felt guilty for allowing him to hurt her like that with me, but at the same time angry she had him and truly believed that he loved me.. S would openly tell B, we should be together and make jokes about it... 

 

That night I waited for him when everyone went to bed because he told me to... But nothing ever happened and I went to bed... Why did I never say anything to anyone before it got bad???

 

The day after he apologized and said he didn't get a chance to leave the bedroom... He told me that night that he gave my sister a sleeping pill..... How could I let him do that? Some stupid man do anything to my sister, including what I was already let happen. I said nothing. I had never been in a situation like that and had no idea what I could do. So I didn't do anything. After everyone was in bed again he came downstairs. He touched me... He told me he wanted me and I wanted him, he knew I did... But I was a virgin! I had no idea as to what sex really was other than my vein understanding, I KNEW NOTHING... But I thought I did. I went into the bathroom and prepared for what was about to happen. I was so afraid that if I told, he would show all of my texts and say it was my fault, and I didn't want to disappoint him... So I did it. I gave myself to him, like I was nothing... And that's how it felt, like absolutely nothing. 

 

I pretended to be into it, because I liked him so much. I didn't want him to hate me, I wanted him to love me forever...

 

I can't post anymore right now...im sorry...thanks for listening...

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