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Strugglingteen's Blog



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Revenge

Posted by Strugglingteen , 06 January 2015 · 37 views

Is it bad that I want revenge on him? That I want him to feel the pain that he put me through all these years. I cant help but get filled with so much anger that I just want to get the chance to release it. I want him to feel broken. I want him to crumble. I want him to hurt. He got barely 3 years in jail and is now walking around free, I want him him to...


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birthday party

Posted by Strugglingteen , 04 January 2015 · 42 views

the start wasnt bad because not alot of people were there. Then more and more people showed up and i was distanced. I tried to put myself away from them and give myself time to breathe but i just got whispers and glares. Nobody will talk to me or even smile my way. Why cant they just let it go for this one day. I just wanted to be apart of the celebration...


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Gathering

Posted by Strugglingteen , 04 January 2015 · 49 views

Tomorrow is my great grandmas 95th birthday party. Of course most of my moms side of the family will be attending. Even his parents. I want to go to support my great grandma but the shame is eating me alive. After the trial it was harshly expressed that I was to blame for breaking apart our family. I will have to face my attackers parents and my family wh...


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Relationships?

Posted by Strugglingteen , 29 December 2014 · 56 views

I don't know what to do. I like him...he says he loves me. I've always wanted to be truly loved by a guy...but he reminds me of my cousin. I'm not comfortable with the whole making out and more thing it makes me feel dizzy and weak. But he says that he loves me and that I should want him to be happy...I don't want to lose this feeling of someone actually...


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Painful

Posted by Strugglingteen , 07 December 2014 · 58 views

My heart hurts to bad to sleep. My mind is racing again continueing the what ifs. I'm scared of what my future holds for me if Its so bad now. I think I'm at a brick wall at the time of my healing. Using my fists and feet kicking and hitting trying to break it. But I only lay down in pain losing the fight. I'm at a point where I'm wondering if I'll ever b...


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Hurting

Posted by Strugglingteen , 05 December 2014 · 58 views

For the past 3 days I have broken down randomly and cried my heart out. Feeling not worth anything. In class I felt too stupid to learn. Randomly I cry over things that go wrong feeling like some how that it's all my fault. I'm starting to feel like a zombie. Walking around I can just feel me nobody else just the zooming colors of their clothes. I get sic...


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Proud

Posted by Strugglingteen , 28 November 2014 · 67 views

So lately I haven't been sleeping very well. I've been going weeks waking up from horrible realistic nightmares and getting 3-4 hours of sleep. Since my night dreams were so bad I didn't even try to take a nap because the fears of my dreams haunted the thought. But today I can proudly say that I took a nap for A WHOLE hour!!! I know it's not much but it s...


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feeling stuck

Posted by Strugglingteen , 26 November 2014 · 54 views

I thought that if I took a break away from this site, away from everyone I would feel better. I didn't care if it was for just 10 minutes even a minute of strength I would take. But distancing myself from safe guidance was the outcome. I honestly don't know why I returned, maybe it was the thought of actually being listened too, the feeling of knowing tha...


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Silence

Posted by Strugglingteen , 04 August 2014 · 54 views

Is it wrong for me to want my voice back and for my family to speak to me? It's like I'm invisible to the world. I keep asking myself if I wouldn't have told will the world still be so silent? Would my mom then look me in the eye and tell me that she still loves me? Would my dad still be gone 2-3 days at a time getting drunk filling himself with "forgetta...


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Today *TW*

Posted by Strugglingteen , 21 July 2014 · 76 views

Today I should have known....
Today I met up with a ex....
Today I was supposed to be safe....
Today he promised he wouldn't....
Today he said "promise just friends"
Today he reminded me he was a virgin...
Today that all changed....
Today I raised my voice "stop please"
Today I was silenced....again
Today I realized what I was worth....
Today I died a lit...






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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.