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Disclosure - Trigger warning (For ED, SI)

Posted by katefr14 , 01 May 2014 · 58 views

I'm really struggling with this one at the moment. This happened to me about 5-6 years ago now, and I think thats about the amount of people I've ever told about it. In fact, I just counted now and I've literally told 5 people throughout my life.
of those 5, I only speak to 2, and of those 2, the only one I've spoken to about it in the last 4 years is my current boyfriend. 
At the moment, trying to deal with this at last (as I only really admitted to myself about it in the last couple of months) is really affecting me. I'm back on medication for my anxiety and every day I think about restricting again or going back to purging after meals, and even thought about hurting myself again. All I want to do now is sleep, or read posts on here. At least on here its productive. But at the moment, I have deadlines for university and in three weeks I have exams. I don't have time for this now but its happening, so I need all the support I can get. 
I've always been able to turn to my mum when things got bad. She was a single parent til we met my dad (adopted) when I was 9/10 so we're very close, and I'm really close to my grandparents as my mum was only 21 when I was born, so they've always been like an extra parent to me, and I've always spoken to my grandma when I've been down, or eventually gone to her when I've been struggling.
The thing is, they're fiercly protective of me. I don't know how they'd react if I told them. I don't see how I can ever tell them but they are the 2 people I want and need to tell most in the whole world. They'd finally understand all the problems I've had in the last few years. They'd be able to understand why however much I try, every time I get better (from SI, ED, depression) something new rears its ugly head. We do have a bit of a history of depression in the family and we're all quite self-analytical, but they've both learnt to cope after 1 or 2 episodes, and neither of them would refer to their experiences as depression.
I just need their understanding but don't know how to tell them. 
Anyone got any experience on this? 

June 2016

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