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How family becomes strangers...

Posted by castellum , 13 May 2014 · 70 views

Little Cas was pretty anxious that we had to go back home this passed weekend.
Knowing that a 'run in' with mother was likely....knowing it throws things off balance etc.
Several months ago this happened and Cas the 'actress' was in full form so all the other people that were
at the same event would not know how much it shook her.
It was weird then too...because mother looked different to her....she kind of recognized her looking at her, but
something was different...it was like she was a stranger or acquaintance  I had met before...passing recognition, but
no love really felt....not hatred....just empty sadness.
We talked to our spiritual director about this....he said he thought it was actually a sign that little Cas was progressing  and somehow the 'apron strings' were finally being severed. Since past incidents would set me back for weeks or months sometimes, this time it was really only a few days and then I was able to feel sad but not like i was flipping out or anything.
This time was stranger as my husband did not recognize mother right away either....he was stunned to realize she looked different to him somehow as well.....and not just the fact she dyed her hair brown( she had been grey for 20 years)...I told him that I think it is in her eyes...they are empty to me....she may tell people she loves me, but i do not feel any love from her...just emptiness...and i sense hostility but only that she can't quite figure out how to manipulate me to do what she thinks i should do or how I should behave...and my children who were there were like 'oh hi nana' and 20 minutes later off we went....she tried to make a big deal out of getting a picture of two of my sons with her....she did not ask my daughter for a pic and my other two sons were not around....
It was nice to see some familiar faces, many were happy to see us as we have not seen them in three years since we moved etc....but I did not feel any of that same joy from my mother....and honestly I doubt I was shedding any joyfulness toward her as well.....civility and that is about it.
And once more, nothing from my father.....silence.....
he did not come when he found out we would be around.....or perhaps my mother did not tell him? but that is their crazy marriage not mine!
Its just weird when family become strangers....when those who should be friendly familiar, and those joyful reunions we hear about....see on the news etc....mind you, sometimes we meet strangers who we do not know and they become our dearest friends and family.....so I guess its bound to work the other way as well....
So once more, I find myself in the phase of exhausted sadness...little Cas has no energy to deal with whatever anger issues she has buried today.....she is trying to learn to enjoy life as it comes each day.......
Finding myself again is tiring business...

May 13 2014 10:02 PM

Wow! That is an amazing experience you BOTH had. It's empowering of you and Little Cas, both.

Hi Cas,

illusions die and we feel sad and empty. Realising the person cannot love, and watching their manner change as they realise they have no power anymore to make us believe they do love us.

Civility is positive.



wow Macgyver......very well put and it so hit home with me.


Cas, it is a testament to your progress that this happened.  It is hard to step away from the crap but I have found it is less stressful once away. Fighting the pull back also becomes easier. I hope you and little Cas  get the rest you need/deserve.

July 2015

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