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Thoughts - 1

Posted by Gwynhwfar , 22 April 2014 · 129 views

I've been thinking about forgiveness. Not really forgiveness of him. But forgiveness of myself.
I have not forgiven myself for what happened. Now, I know that I didn't have the control or the power - that that was taken from me on that day. But I still feel I let myself get in that situation. Even though I know that it doesn't make sense. So, I'm thinking it is probably easier to forgive someone else for something than to forgive yourself.
I feel this is really important to me. This will be my next major step. Being able to forgive myself will, I know, help me to reconcile my future with my past. 
'Do we have to be forgiving at last? What else can we do? Do we have to say goodbye to the past? Yes I guess we do.' Heresy (Rush)

I think the only thing you have to forgive yourself for is thinking that you have anything TO forgive.  It was not your fault in anyway.


Forgiving an abuser in the end,  IDK   I, personally choose not to forgive my abusers.  A Higher Power will judge them.


Take good care of you.

Thanks for your comment. On an intellectual level I get that it's not my fault, but I think that's where my forgiveness of me comes in. I feel (and this is very much what I mean for myself - we each have to find our own way in the end) that I need to forgive myself for feeling guilty, for feeling ashamed, for putting myself in danger (even though I didn't know that at the time), for feeling weak ... for being human.


My abuser doesn't come into this at all. He is long gone and it matters not whether I rant and rave about him or forgive him. He's not here anyway. All my feelings are internalised. They are what I have to deal with now - and that's what I want to forgive - my own feelings.


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