Relationships with others
“Never chase anyone. A person who appreciates you will walk with you.”
This one is really resonating with me. I feel like in all or most of my relationships, I give too much and receive little in return. There have been a tiny amount where it has been the opposite, but I have not felt like I had an equal relationship with anyone in a long time. No one walks next to me.
I don't know why this is. A part of me says, it's my fault, I must be doing something wrong. I always overcompensate, but when I try pulling back everyone just disappears, probably because my overcompensation attracts those sorts of people.
The other part of me says that I shouldn't blame myself for my shitty circumstances. It is not my fault that people don't care about me - I am referring to my so called friends here, not my wonderful family - or want to be around me. It is not my fault when people treat me poorly.
So that is where I am stuck. On one hand, thinking that it is my fault is empowering because it means that I can do something about it. On the other hand it is debilitating because it fills me with all of this destructive self-hatred. I don't know how I should feel. This is a feeling that hits me everywhere, not just on this issue.