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Relationships with others

Posted by writer14 , 21 April 2014 · 228 views

I saw this quote on tumblr today: 
 
 

Never chase anyone. A person who appreciates you will walk with you.



— 


Unknown


 
 
 
This one is really resonating with me. I feel like in all or most of my relationships, I give too much and receive little in return. There have been a tiny amount where it has been the opposite, but I have not felt like I had an equal relationship with anyone in a long time. No one walks next to me. 
 
I don't know why this is. A part of me says, it's my fault, I must be doing something wrong. I always overcompensate, but when I try pulling back everyone just disappears, probably because my overcompensation attracts those sorts of people. 
The other part of me says that I shouldn't blame myself for my shitty circumstances. It is not my fault that people don't care about me - I am referring to my so called friends here, not my wonderful family - or want to be around me. It is not my fault when people treat me poorly. 
 
So that is where I am stuck. On one hand, thinking that it is my fault is empowering because it means that I can do something about it. On the other hand it is debilitating because it fills me with all of this destructive self-hatred. I don't know how I should feel. This is a feeling that hits me everywhere, not just on this issue. 



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Anastasia190
Apr 22 2014 12:21 AM

writer,

 

I saw a similar quote like this today, and I completely agree with it. I don't think giving too much is the problem. I think the person who isn't giving anything back is the problem. True friends are very hard to find. I have learned that through some of my experiences. I had a friend who I knew since I was 10 years old. We knew each other for 7 years. Our friendship was strong and we both trusted each other with our lives! But sadly, people do change, and that is what happened. He changed and walked away from me. That is not my fault though. Relationships of any kind are about respecting and caring for each other. When that lacks, the relationship itself starts to sway downward like a teeter totter. The person giving their all in the relationship is high up in the air, while the person not giving anything back is below it, towards the ground. It can be hard to trust when you've had so many people treat you that way, but someday. Just someday, I hope you find a friend that doesn't make you feel this way.

 

Take gentle care

 

-Alexandra

I struggle with this from when I had my breakdown.  Before that I had many friends and felt they gave as much as I did in our relationship of being friends. I remember what that felt like.  It was all good.

 

Yet once I had the breakdown they all slowly faded away.  I know that in some ways I am at fault cuz I had nothing to give.  I hit rock bottom.  Yet I know that a true friend would have been at my side helping me until I could give again but sadly none stayed.  It hurts.

 

Alexandra is correct that true friends are hard to find and it is a work in progress in keeping a true friend at your side and being at their side.

 

I hear your pain and I hear your loneliness.  I feel them too.  It won't be like this for you always.  This empty place you are in right now will change in to a safe place full of love and caring and success.  I see these things for you knowing your personality here at Pandys. 

 

Thinking of you.  Take good care of you (((writer))) as always

Thank you for your support, Alexandra and bellachai. 

 

 

 

 I don't think giving too much is the problem. I think the person who isn't giving anything back is the problem. 

 

I want to agree with that, but do you think that it is possible to be "giving" in an overbearing way? I guess it is the typical Hollywood story of the obsessive girlfriend versus the distant cheating boyfriend, but in friendship form. You always hear that she should have been more "mysterious" and not played out all of her cards, that people want a chase and that they take what they always have for granted. Is that true? Is it applicable to all relationships? Ah, my mind is always bustling with these sorts of thoughts. 

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