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It's not your fault

Posted by datweet , in My battles 04 May 2014 · 42 views

I have difficulty when people tell me:

"It's not your fault"
"Don't blame yourself"
"You have nothing to be ashamed about"
"It has nothing to do with you"
"You didn't bring this upon yourself"

When I'm told this, I don't believe them. I can't see how it's not my fault. My automatic reaction to a traumatic experience is immediately assuming responsibility, self-blame, and being hard on myself. By doing this, I protect myself. It makes the situation manageable. Bearable. It lessens the load. It doesn't allow myself to feel, which diminishes the reality and truth of what actually happened. Something which is not good for me, but it's a coping mechanism. It's a form of dissociation, I think....where I'm not present emotionally, mentally, and spiritually....just physically.

Anywho, for the statements above, I don't receive them. There's a part of me that rejects them, even though their positive and there's goodness in it. It's as if I have a "bully" in me, my T said. Bullying myself and feeding me negativity. Negativity does not belong in us.

December 2014

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