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Dealing with suicidal thoughts

Posted by datweet , in My battles 07 April 2014 · 184 views

*trigger warning*

Taking your life is not an easy task

It's hard, you know?!
To plan your own death.
And live to tell about it.
About such a horrifying experience.
No one should need to go through that.
No one should WANT, to go through, something like that.
It's a horrible feeling.
 
Today, I carry the remnants of a desire to live no more.
Left in its wake, in me, are the burning embers of - what seems to be - a distant day.
I have been reborn.
My rebirth happened on a Friday - just three days ago.
So, I'm living day two of my rebirth and am enjoying every waking moment.
Each moment, one I would not have been able to enjoy had I followed through with ceasing to live.
 
(I can write no more)



I am sorry you have had to face such dark places.    I am still going through dark places too, so it's hard for me to say what it's like on the "other side" without feeling like a liar as I have not yet seen said other side.  However, there was a thread posted by someone yesterday that reminds me that maybe this whole healing thing is worth it....

 

http://pandys.org/fo...opic=244823&hl=

 

It hard for me to just take someone else's word that things will get better- but it is what everyone seems to say.. that it will get worse, then it will get better.  That what happened to us is still there, but it's not this big thing in the room anymore, it will be in a little box and we won't have to look at it unless we want too.  

 

I hope this helps you in some way too. 

Thanks nebulas.  I feel so stupid.....even wanting to attempt it.  Thanks for your support, I'll be sure to check the link out.  You know what, my therapist said the same thing, "it'll get worse, before it gets better".  Somehow, I have difficulty living in "the better", when "the worse" has detached itself from it.  You carry it around for so long, you feel like its a part of you.  But that's not true.  I'm trying to see that.

 

I'm doing much better now.....but boy was it scary!  I trying to promise myself to never do that again. 

 

It has been by 2nd close attempt....the 1st one happening 3 years ago.  I just need to shape back up and get back on track and keep moving forward.  I know I can do it because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  This load is too heavy for me, so I'm casting my cares onto God who has much bigger shoulders then i do and can carry it all.

 

Being more positive right now.....

October 2014

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