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Today's A Flash Back Day.... :trigger:

Posted by JNA_True , 26 March 2014 · 111 views

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I remember that day as if it was yesterday. Everyday it’s like I’m forced to remember that horrible night. Sometimes my façade falls and I’m left with the tears and the pain all over again… Today just happens to be one of those days.
       As the rain pounds against the window I’m looking out of, my eyes cloud with tears as it all floods back…
       My mom had to work 3rd shift that night, which was normal, I guess. I was ready for bed, when my brother said he was going next door for a while and he left.
       I laid down and sang my self to sleep. I was almost there until I heard the front door open and close. I blew it off as my brother coming home, until I felt it…someone getting in my bed. Then I heard him…
 I tried to scream but his hand covered my mouth like a blanket hugging a bed. I thrashed and squirmed with no avail. His hands were like sandpaper trailing down my arms as if he was trying to comfort me. His words replayed in my head as he did whatever he pleased to me… I’ll only be a sec… I’ll only be a sec… I’ll only be a sec…
He soon climbed off after what felt like hours. I laid there with no clue what to do. He left with a few choice of words that I will never forget even if I tried. As I replay everything that just perspired, I cried.
The tears fell from my face like the Niagara Falls. I had calmed myself down enough to breathe evenly. It was eerie quite when the front door opened and closed once again. I sat up and ran to my closet in attempt to hide for what I thought was coming.
When I heard my door open, I held my hand over my mouth just in case he could hear my breathing. A voice called my name over and over again. The voice got closer and closer to the door, when suddenly the closet door was ripped open.
I let out a blood-curling scream, when I felt arms grab me around my waist. I looked at the person who was standing by the door and I calmed down a little. I looked at the person holding me and hugged him close to me. It was my brother.
He laid me in bed and said he was sorry for leaving me. When I looked in his eyes, I know he didn’t know what happened. My crying fit started all over again. I crawled in to a ball as my tears fell silently. I looked at my brother’s best friend, TJ, and knew he knew what happened…
 He looked at me like I was a broken glass doll. It was a look of pity, remorse, and sympathy. I hated that look. It made me feel so weak, so small, so… broken. That night my brother and TJ stayed with me the entire night, they never left not even when the sun had risen and my tears had dried.
If I ever had one thing to say to my brother it would be that I wish he locked the door. I wish he never left, never left me alone. I don’t blame him for anything because everything happens for a reason and it wasn’t his fault the first time it happened… or the second one.
This is what can happen when you leave your doors unlocked. It can shatter innocent children, turn them, open there eyes to a world their not ready for. I was made a “woman” at the age of 8, and I can tell you… I wasn’t ready and I don’t think I ever will be…

I'm so very sorry that you had to go through this. Sitting with you, if okay, and sending you healing thoughts.

Thank you... I appreciate your thoughts

June 2016

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