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Writing Letters due to insecurities

Posted by HealingMe , 13 April 2014 · 85 views

Because I feel very little at the moment when I interact with people I think some mistake what I am attempting to say or I express it the wrong way, I mean well I know what it is I want to say it just comes out the wrong way...
 
I had to write a letter to my wife today, to let her know how I am and what I am going through, like she seems to get fed up with it, well I suppose I get tired of it sometimes also, but wrote her a letter today so she could read what it is I am going through, see what she say's, we talk little at the moment just bare essentials, I suppose this is good as I am volatile at the moment so basic is better than nothing at all...
 
I need to accept and allow myself the respect to get back to basics in my life, not expect too much, not want too much just bare essentials and gentle respect for myself and my healing with looking after my basic needs and well being.. Sounds simple!
 
Anyways writing letters, words on paper seem simple, when you are in conversation in rapid fire it's sometimes difficult and I seem to fall to pieces with people I care about..... well I master this one day, back to school the school of emotional health in looking after ones self. :-)
 
I used to be shy? am I still? underneath this, is this possibly why I get misunderstood where I am coming from. I use many words to say one simple thing? but I suppose there are a lot of us like this at times.....



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intrepidshe
Apr 13 2014 06:44 PM

This is important work. I hope you are also able to share your letters with your T. I like the idea of focusing on the basics.

I always had problems what to talk about in T, so my T noticed that i jumped about a lot with talking. I think it's fear of what I may uncover, in front of the T, i still have trust issues within me. So maybe, just maybe this is a good start, take a letter that I wrote in to allow her to see how I feel. Thank's intrepid, your far more adept at this than me...

 

Thanks for your advice, and thanks for this, it shows me that part of me is hanging in on the right track although sometimes it feels like I break it apart a little, I have to remember that I have trust issues with myself, I am still angry at me somewhere about some things that were not my fault so I have to calm this, but being aware of it, well that 's another new start, I could not face this at one stage, that part of me kind of bullies me, well suppose how I was brought up, so it's this I work on to align with my true self, bring that angry, upset part of me back to me, allowing the knowing that it's not my fault, that I was made angry at me, through shame, guilt, it's got to be sent back to the abusers (who are dead) somehow. letters and shouting, banging on old furniture etc....

 

kindness and respect

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intrepidshe
Apr 15 2014 09:31 PM

You are making real progress with these realizations.

 

I really identify with what you said about feeling like you break apart a little. I think that is what happens as we heal. I think we have armor protecting us, but also concealing us from the world, from our emotions, from others. We have to break it apart in order to be able to move and maybe even be able to take it off some day. At least, that's how it seems to be working for me.

 

It is not your fault that you have this anger, guilt, and shame. Now you get to make choices about what to do about it.

 

I am glad you're going to show a letter to your T. I read my blog with mine now almost every time we talk. I helps me a whole lot, even though I'm always scared before hand. Afterward it's like letting the air out of a balloon.

Yeah, I think you could be right, I felt another part of me dissolving and slowly falling apart in quite a scary way, almost more trauma for me as I did not know what was happening, I was going through some fake spiritual stuff that must have distorted my mind, not knowing how much the trauma had affected me, I will not let you know exactly what happened but I lost my whole sort of body image of who I thought I was, it was upsetting and scary for me, but this side is over, I was on SSRI's and some drugs for Anxiety then, I had all sorts of false stuff going on... I thought I had found some kind of liberation but it was all in vain due to medication I think, this is why I still try and avoid medication. Anyways than you for your advice again Intrepid I read the letter to the T and she said it's fears, I have to address some fears that I have but I know not how to sort these yet, some are just irrational childhood fears that I need to sort like fear of the dark, I have no clear memory of being locked in a cupboard but apparently I was locked under the stairs, I can relate to this as when I start doing EFT with it I run away as images start looming.... Also I have to wait till this bout of anger that keeps looming passes as it's quite draining on me.

 

anyways cut it short, I could go on and on at the moment

 

a big thank you IntrepidShe.

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intrepidshe
Apr 16 2014 10:17 PM

I'm so glad you shared the letter with your T. I hope you are able to find the calm you need so you can move through the anger.

 

And, you are most welcome. You have been here for me as well.

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