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Disclosing to an old friend and the release of tears

Posted by Mand , 22 June 2014 · 123 views

Last night there was an impromptu gathering in my back garden. One of the people there was my best friend of 14 years. Our daughters grew up together- there is only three weeks between them. Over the last two years I have pushed this friend away. I don't have many close friends, and I couldn't cope with allowing myself the comfort of her. She is 13yrs older than me. Seeing her, being with her became incredibly painful.

Taking courage from Intrepid, I disclosed my past to her. She held me as I sobbed. I have healed the rift. She is sorry for what happened. She doesn't hate me.

It is hard. I'm finding writing hard. I just wanted to share this with you all. Telling others, being honest, has brought the much needed release of grief. I am exhausted but more settled internally.

Edited to add. This is reading as very flat and emotionless. Sorry. It's like after the intense emotion, my protector has shut me down so I don't become overwhelmed.



:hug:
You cried! And you trusted someone! Your T is away and you have been brave and put your needs forward and sought comfort. This is really amazing - so pleased!

Yippee!
This is reading as very flat and emotionless.

 

 

You think so? It made me cry.

Bless you candu. I think I am so flat after the emotional storm that even watership down wouldn't make me feel emotion today!

wow. amazing Mand. I don't see this as flat at all either, btw. 

Bless you too. Isn't perspective funny. I'm still 'numb'. Still don't see it.

Thank you for post this mand

You're welcome Tina.
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intrepidshe
Jun 23 2014 07:51 PM

I also didn't experience this as flat. It felt authentic, and emotionally real. I felt it too!

 

Mand, I'm so glad you did this and got the response you needed. She is a good friend. You need and deserve such a friend.

Mand this strikes me as succinct and powerful writing. Emotions under control.

 

Very communicative!!!

Congratulations on being inspired, taking the risk, and getting your friendship back in a completely new way.

Emotions back and 'normal' thank goodness! Today was the kick up the bum I needed. Thank you Jiva and Intrepid. Yes, I begin to see the strength, courage and power. Who knew.....
((((Mand)))) you are so brave and strong. This was such a brave thing to do. I imagine that you are still processing the conversation that you had and the emotions it built in you. Take gentle care of yourself. Sarrettaa
Thanks Sarr. I haven't seen her since. I think I have shut off again. Mainly cos my T is on holiday. So my wall is firmly cemented in place. I am living my life ignoring 'that' bit. T being away is actually easier than I though this time. I guess the difference being that unlike last time, I know when she's back.

How are you? I've been worried about you.

:hug:

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