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Today's Strength and it's connection to assertiveness - *TW* sexual acts

Posted by Mand , 21 June 2014 · 114 views

Today I feel very strong today. And this is good. I have managed to trace this feeling back to yesterday, when I realised I was in a triggering situation and despite being triggered a) I did not dissociate and b) better than that - I ASSERTED myself!

I was in a meeting with the consultant who reminds me of HIM. I am now aware that when I started working with him, I followed old patterns. I was inappropriate - sexual. I then went into my avoidance strategy- but my T said I should face this head on. I should assert myself appropriately. Yesterday he started making innuendos about how he liked coming to the meeting through the back passage. Because he likes the back passage. He's always enjoyed coming up the back passage. Yeah. Yuk. Having been raped anally, this is quite a ickky one for me. Totally started to trigger. Then I heard my T in my head. She had done a scenario with me. I heard her saying "Shame him". Then I heard my voice saying: "I don't think that's an appropriate thing to say- do you?" Woah. I can't remember if he responded. I definitely dissociated then! But I hope this is the sign of things to come.

Secondly, I had another incident with my mum. She and my dad are going away and my dad started to refuse. He has a long term health condition. The thing is, if he doesn't go, my mum can't as she can't leave him. Again, I heard myself saying "Sorry, I can't come and look after him. I work full time and have a family. How about you pay for a private carer. ". Wow. No guilt. Problem solved. I like this new Mand. She's strong. :).


Good for you! 

Yay! I like her too :)
Jun 21 2014 01:44 PM


Sorry couldn't read but sitting here in support. Folks seem excited so my guess is you did something kick ass- not that this is a surprise as you are a very kick ass person!!
Lol- yes, I am nebulas. I have always been 'feisty' :). You take care of you. I know you are struggling. :hug:
Jun 23 2014 07:52 PM

I'm delighted to hear this, Mand! Well done!

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