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T away- yes- I am actually going to ask for something for me. Miracles do happen

Posted by Mand , 20 June 2014 · 69 views

Hi all.

I will blog about my session with T later - it was very interesting and safe and all about my dissociation (useful timing after what happened earlier this week!) . I have awoken this morning in total panic/fear. Sent my T this text which explains things:

"Hi T,

Ok. I know this is irrational. I have TD'd it, but can you tell me why on earth my fear/panic is so ridiculously high with you being away and me not seeing you for two weeks? I mean, you've been away before. I've coped. I will cope. But I am terrified and I really don't understand why. You are very safe for me. But so is DH. Why is this aspect of my transference (I'm assuming it's rejection/abandonment mummy issues) so horrendous this time? I HATE feeling so vulnerable. My inner child is convinced you really don't care about her at all and I know this is grossly unfair to you- as a person and a therapist, because you are one of the most caring people I know.

Sorry- I wanted to check the home work. Was it just extremes of emotion (such as detailed above!!!) you wanted me to chart, or any/all emotion as I recognise it?

Take care. Commencing 'radio silence'. I WILL control this aspect of me that seems to want/need to cling to you like a fucking limpet.

Mandy. "

What I am asking for is just knowledge that you guys are here. That I DO exist. That it is ok. I guess I just need a hug!

Sorry, seems a tad feeble. I hate seeming feeble. I hate feel dependant. I'm not used to it.

Still here, still reading :hug: :hug:  Won't see my T either for three weeks and then it will be at his home office and I feel a bit unsettled about it all.  So horrible when our emerging children have to do without their "parent" figure for a while. :hug:

:hug: :hug: :hug:

All this makes sense to me. Big, safe, reliable hugs for you and all the Mands.
Thanks both. I'm in work I really should try and stay off here in work. I'm not supposed to bring it in to work with me. But today, it is too hard.
I like that you can ask :)

V happy to stay en guard (I'm more of a musketeer at heart).

:hug: :hug: :hug:
Jun 20 2014 07:51 AM

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Sorry this comment is a bit late, I'm catching up on some of my blog reading today and when I read this I wanted to jump in for you too. Maybe you don't need/want this anymore but just in case - 


We are still here. You do exist. It is ok.




You do not seem feeble or dependent to me, you seem human. I'm sorry you struggle with feeling feeble and not wanting to appear that way. I'm so proud of you for working on your homework and for reaching out and asking for the support you need, that's huge! I hope that you can continue reaching out, I hope getting feedback is helping you. 

Thanks Sugar. today would have been T day, so really feeling it today!!!! :hug: back at you. I apologise, I often can't read your blog because I struggle reading too many. Know that I do when I can. I appreciate your support and I;m sure you appreciate the support of others too! :)

I understand Mand, many times I open a blog post in another window to save it to read when I have time and then I never get to it and sometimes my blog ends up being triggery and about allot of upset things so I never expect tons of people to read it but I've found writing it down helps even on the days when I don't get much response. Thanks for the hug hug.gifI hope today goes well for you, I bet your T will be so proud of you for getting through the struggles of her being gone and for taking such good care of yourself. Keep up the good work.

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