T away- yes- I am actually going to ask for something for me. Miracles do happen
I will blog about my session with T later - it was very interesting and safe and all about my dissociation (useful timing after what happened earlier this week!) . I have awoken this morning in total panic/fear. Sent my T this text which explains things:
Ok. I know this is irrational. I have TD'd it, but can you tell me why on earth my fear/panic is so ridiculously high with you being away and me not seeing you for two weeks? I mean, you've been away before. I've coped. I will cope. But I am terrified and I really don't understand why. You are very safe for me. But so is DH. Why is this aspect of my transference (I'm assuming it's rejection/abandonment mummy issues) so horrendous this time? I HATE feeling so vulnerable. My inner child is convinced you really don't care about her at all and I know this is grossly unfair to you- as a person and a therapist, because you are one of the most caring people I know.
Sorry- I wanted to check the home work. Was it just extremes of emotion (such as detailed above!!!) you wanted me to chart, or any/all emotion as I recognise it?
Take care. Commencing 'radio silence'. I WILL control this aspect of me that seems to want/need to cling to you like a fucking limpet.
What I am asking for is just knowledge that you guys are here. That I DO exist. That it is ok. I guess I just need a hug!
Sorry, seems a tad feeble. I hate seeming feeble. I hate feel dependant. I'm not used to it.