The Voice That Wasn't Heard- the child that wanted love *TW* CSA, violence
I wanted to be loved.
I wanted to be held and cuddled.
I wanted to be cherished,
Instead, the soft touches left bruises,
The search for affection was blocked.
The little precious child that was me,
Was so very frightened and alone.
I didn't understand what I had done wrong.
I felt I must have been so very bad.
That I deserved the hard slaps,
That I was so revolting,
I did not deserve love,
So I sought attention from the man who gave it to me.
Who met that need.
He was gentle,
The child adored him,
He made her feel good.
I sought him out,
Because I was lonely.
I just wanted to be loved.
I just wanted affection.
I just wanted a gentle touch.
At what point did I realise?
At what age did it dawn on me?
That maybe - maybe something was wrong?
When did the blocks in my mind appear?
Was my voice ever heard?
The warning signs were there,
I can see that now.
For little me,
These were ignored.
My little child's voice was not heard,
So I stopped trying to use it.
Now my throat is raw.
I have to force the words out,
Through the pain,
Through the tightness in my throat.
And my child now speaks with an adult voice,
And now I can be heard.
But it hurts.
The pain rips into my heart,
But my voice just needs to be strengthened,
And that takes practice,
So I will allow myself time,
For my voice to grow.
I will give the Silent Child her voice.
Because I deserve to be heard.