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A feeling of suffocation

Posted by Mand , 20 April 2014 · 102 views

At the end of my last session with my T, I happened to mention that there were times when I couldn't abide the physical touch of my DH or children. I get a feeling of suffocation when they (from my point of view) demand physical contact with me. I will push my DH away and say to him "Don't touch me". I try to not to this to my children as it is what mum did to me, and I remember the hurt and rejection I felt as a child, but sometimes it can be unbearable.

My T pondered this for a few heart beats and then said that when the feeling occurs, I must try and allow DH to hold me, touch me, for at least 30secs before moving away. The feeling has hit me hard today. I think it's being with mum and dad, wearing the mask of "everything's ok". DH wanted to lie down whilst watching telly with his head on my lap. I am at the stage of "Don't touch me". I managed a minute. I have now made an excuse and left the room. I feel...... Yucky.

My T thinks it might be connected with physical touch/child pleasure and HIM with adult perspective and revulsion. I'm not sure if this sits well with me yet. All I know is that right now, I could get into my car and drive off on my own. How can I find out who I am when I am constantly swamped with feelings and emotions I can't understand? When things trigger me and I don't realise it until the feelings are so intense, that being rational about them takes all my energy? I wish there was a rock I could crawl under right now.....



I would offer you ha hug but I don't think that would be the best right now. winky.gif

 

metoyou.gif

 

 

When things trigger me and I don't realise it until the feelings are so intense, that being rational about them takes all my energy?

 

Of course.

 

The trick is to catch the feelings early. And when I figure out the trick I will let you know.

I used to struggle with hugging and still do with strangers but with my H I used to let him hug me but my arms where always a barrier between him and me. A few months ago my T also gave me that task. Although it took a while I look for his hugs on days I'm struggling even when he doesn't know . Keep trying a minute can be a life time for us. You are strong and baby steps may be needed but you can do this.
Mand IM Sorry Your Going Through This :(
.....My Mama Has A Similar Problem....But I Understand Why She Does It....It Isn't Personal... When Your Kids Are Older They Won't Reject Or Hate You For Having This Problem...They Will Understand It's Not Personal Just Like I Do.
I Still Love My Mama By The Way,Even Though She HaS Issues With Touch :)

Not a problem I have to face with any regularity, but touch is also difficult for me, so can imagine that it is difficult to have people placing these kind of constant demands on you.  Hope you can work through this.  Take care :metoyou:

Thanks guys. You're right Stronger, I don't hate my mum for it either. I completely understand it! The feeling has now passed. So maybe T has a point. Recognising the feeling, it's root cause, using CBT thought diary, the feeling of revulsion at being touched, being made to touch another is now lessened. My T is such a clever lady......
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intrepidshe
Apr 20 2014 08:20 PM

I'm also thinking that you might simply reach sensory overload. I have a disorder that causes me to get migraines from sensory overload. Just another potential perspective.

 

On the other hand, perhaps I would handle sensory overload better if I was able to seek and allow touch? Hmm.

Not sure Intrepid. Not sure what causes it. I get a feeling of just needing to be totally alone. No demands. No one 'needing' me. Yet my dichotomy occurs when I feel people don't need me, then I am being rejected. A real no win really- kinda 'damned if I do and damned if I don't'!
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yarnfoolishness
Apr 21 2014 12:05 PM

Mand -

 

I just wanted to let you know that I have this problem too.  In my case, my T thinks it's sensory overload.  I tend to agree with him.  When it happens, I tell my family that I don't feel good and I need quiet. 

 

Some people are energized by lots of sensory input.  Other people are drained by it.  I fall into the second category. Having said that, I still need touch and human interaction.  I still need it.  I just can't abide it when I'm in overload.

 

:metoyou:

Interesting that both you and intrepid say the same. I'm going to have to research it - I've never come across it before! Thanks Yarn.

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