Why the lies we tell ourselves can cause such harm
For me, my first lie: "HE loved me. I asked for that love. I sought it out. Therefore it was my fault" this is the most damaging lie. HE chose to behave in an adult sexual way with a child who was desperate for love and cuddles. As a child, trying to survive, I was working on instincts. I was doing what I instinctively knew I had to do to survive and grow up as balanced as possible. HE was the adult with knowledge who knew what was happening. The lie makes it my fault, the truth makes it his.
Second lie: expressing needs and feelings is wrong, what I feel is wrong. Again, this makes blame internal. This makes bad things my fault. The truth is that expressing needs and feelings appropriately means I acknowledge I have as much worth and value as others. Because I am human.
Third lie: making a mistake and causing other people hurt means I am a bad person. The truth- making mistakes is human, I can learn from them. If I cause hurt unintentionally, then how can I be to blame? Intentional hurt is wrong and needs apologising for, but unintentional hurt is about the perceptions of others and I cannot control that. Only I am in charge of me. If I feel the need to apologise because the unintentional hurt caused was caused by my own carelessness or thoughtlessness, then fine. If I don't know I have caused hurt however- how can I know I need to apologise? I am not a mind reader!
There are many more, but I thought I would put these three out there as I feel there are the three that many who read my blog might be able to relate too. And so, healing continues.