T today. Goodbye erotic transference, hello healing *TW CSA*
My T was amazing. Made me realise that it was ok to love. Ok to have pleasure. Because HE made me feel loved. He pleasured me. And that was ok. I was a child, so how could it be wrong? And the relief. I can't describe.
But then came the kicker. "Mand, I don't believe this is what is truly bothering you. There is another memory here. One you are blocking". And she is right. I know this to be true. So this will be my homework. This is what I shall work on. Because as she said to me:"you have nothing to fear, but fear itself. And you must remember, you have already survived"
And my erotic transference has gone. Totally. That boil has been lanced. I love her for who she is. The sexual side has gone. And now, for the courage to face the rest....