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Issues of resistance with my T

Posted by Mand , 31 March 2014 · 140 views

I wasn't going to blog today. But on reading a fellow friend's blog, I feel compelled to write out a few thoughts regarding resistance in therapy. At first, when I was getting to know my T, I did not realise what resistance was or what it meant. After about 6 weeks, my t said to me: "Mand, I'm sorry, but you are still not telling me everything. You are hiding things from me. And I cannot help you if you don't open up." I was so shocked, and I looked at her and I said: "Really? I thought I was being very open. I wish I knew what you meant, because then I would tell you what you need to know to help me." And she looked at me, her head on one side and she said: "Ok, then you are going to have to allow me to help you peel back the layers so we can uncover these things together".
 
I realise now, with hindsight, that she was warning me that what I was presenting with screamed: "Abused badly as a child but totally repressed the memories". And so I allowed her to plant her seeds. The first layer came off last October - 4 months into seeing her. But there were still on going issues. And I have to admire the patience and delicacy she has shown in getting me to "Unpick the knot" inside me.
 
But here's the thing. There are different levels of resistance. There was the unknowing resistance that I initially presented with. Then, as I have progressed, as things have got harder, my resistance then started exhibiting itself in a "I am not going", or "She's useless, she doesn't know what she's doing". And I have learnt that the second I start feeling this way, that there is something I am trying to resist against and that it is absolutely imperative that I see he, and I have also found that we both find it useful if I tell her that this is what I am feeling so that we can search together to find the cause and we can work on it. It is because of me recognising this, that my vault finally opened.
 
I don't know if everyone experiences their resistance in the same way that I do. I don't know if anyone will find this blog useful. But I am hoping that it might help any of you who read this and recognise some of the thoughts and behaviours I describe.  And I will blog tomorrow after seeing my T. Because I will have to tell her that I didn't want to go. So we have some digging to do......



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yarnfoolishness
Mar 31 2014 07:37 PM

Mand -

I do this.  I do it in T all the time - I go off on a tangent.  My T finally recognizes it and will call it to my attention.  Even I can recognize it now.  Funny the things the mind will do to protect itself.

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intrepidshe
Mar 31 2014 09:32 PM

Mand,

 

Me, me . . . it helps me! My T frames my resistence in terms of needing to allow myself to be vulnerable. At first that ideas barely even touched the walls that protect me. It was like throwing grains of sugar at the wall.

 

Recently, it's been more like chipping at the wall with a fork while peeking through cracks in it.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective. It helps me feel understood. I'm not the only one.

:hug:

well said mand, and intrepid. Was thinking of the walls myself. Might blog on this.

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