Issues of resistance with my T
I realise now, with hindsight, that she was warning me that what I was presenting with screamed: "Abused badly as a child but totally repressed the memories". And so I allowed her to plant her seeds. The first layer came off last October - 4 months into seeing her. But there were still on going issues. And I have to admire the patience and delicacy she has shown in getting me to "Unpick the knot" inside me.
But here's the thing. There are different levels of resistance. There was the unknowing resistance that I initially presented with. Then, as I have progressed, as things have got harder, my resistance then started exhibiting itself in a "I am not going", or "She's useless, she doesn't know what she's doing". And I have learnt that the second I start feeling this way, that there is something I am trying to resist against and that it is absolutely imperative that I see he, and I have also found that we both find it useful if I tell her that this is what I am feeling so that we can search together to find the cause and we can work on it. It is because of me recognising this, that my vault finally opened.
I don't know if everyone experiences their resistance in the same way that I do. I don't know if anyone will find this blog useful. But I am hoping that it might help any of you who read this and recognise some of the thoughts and behaviours I describe. And I will blog tomorrow after seeing my T. Because I will have to tell her that I didn't want to go. So we have some digging to do......