The Garden in my Head *TW*
In the Garden in my head.
But you became an unexpected gardener,
Who began to sew seeds.
Seeds that sometimes died,
Sometimes flourished instantly,
Sometimes they lay dormant.
But these were strong.
Maybe the most powerful ones of all.
They sent down their roots, down, down, down,
Into the deepest, most secret vaults of my mind.
I remember the first seed,
Many months ago.
We talked about touch.
And you frowned at the surface answers I gave,
You recognised, I think, my self deception.
When you said "That makes no sense- there is no sexual touch in swimming....."
And you were right.
Not with my squad.
But he taught me to swim,
When I was 3.
Then you asked about my name,
Why I didn't like it.
And there was only one person who ever used it.
We chatted some more,
And another seed was sewn,
What you said about alcohol,
And it's affects on your husband,
On men, I think, in general.
And I told you the next week how it repulsed me,
And you asked "Why?"
And I couldn't answer.
And so many seeds,
Over so much time, ("Men have a funny look on their face during sex")
Growing and growing, ("I don't keep porn in the house, I won't have it")
They shattered my vault.
Already weakened when you -
You clever, sneaky, woman,
Used the word 'Gate'.
A flimsy structure,
Not thick and strong and secure,
Like my iron vault.
So I find myself walking a new path.
One that I have no map for.
It meanders on and I don't know where it is going.
But I see,
Flowers and sunshine,
As I walk through this dark wood,
There is definitely hope,joy,
Happiness and peace to be found.
Sadness, despair and grief-
They are on this journey too.
But that's ok,
Because that is life,
That is how I know I am living.