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Tired, but ok.

Posted by Mand , 17 March 2014 · 62 views

I was hoping, after how I felt yesterday, how deliciously tired I was, that I would sleep well. I climbed into bed, and my limbs instantly relaxed and I felt that I could just float away. And I did. For about 2 hours. Then the usual pattern of snatches of sleep with unremembered nightmares, shaking, sweating........*sigh*. What is sad is how used I am to this now. It doesn't actually bother me anymore. I am hoping that by accepting as calmly as possible that this is what my current reality is, that is will ease. I mean, it has to sometime, right?
As for the vault? Well, work is very busy, I have a lot on, and I just feel that I can't go there at all at the moment. Now is not the time. So, as soon as I stop looking for insight, stop looking for my Mand's, I actually find it very easy to push it all down. I know I will have to go there, sometime, but not now. Yet as I write this, my mind is going foggy. I feel totally exhausted. My hands feel like heavy clumps, my fingers don't want to work. My brain doesn't want to work. And so I feel the fog descending.

Mar 17 2014 08:58 PM



You really need rest. I'm sorry sleep has been so elusive. I hope upon hope you are able to sleep tonight. You've been working so hard and gaining so much ground, it's time for a break, methinks.

Thanks intrepid. That's exactly the conclusion I came to. Parts of me are very impatient and have been pushing me very hard to sort myself out. I kind of feel that I need to sit in a boat in the middle of a calm lake and just stare at the sky for a while. So metaphorically speaking, that is what I am going to do for now.

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