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Triggering situation that usually leads to SH, but so far hasn't.

Posted by Mand , 09 March 2014 · 99 views

So. It is Sunday. The sun is shinning. I had a trigger occur with hubby, but after church - that is now worked through, the feeling has disappeared. I was in the kitchen with DD. she is very aggressive with me. Everything I say is wrong. Everything I do is an annoyance. Whether it be words of support, asking for help with chores, or just trying to make conversation. I am met with verbal aggression and personal attack. She puts me straight back to being a little girl. I am waiting for the first blow to fall. My T told me last week how to manage this. That I can walk away. In my head, rather than Manderoo going to The Bad Parent to be punished, I must take her to Maternal Mand for love and comfort. So as I felt the self loathing, the despair, the desire to SH rise in me, I closed my eyes, I held my hands tightly together, and this is what I did. And I managed to not SH. I am having to work hard to maintain this status quo. The desire is still there, but the ME that is Mand is so far, keeping control. Hopefully Inner Bitch doesn't sneak in. She hurts me when I don't know. But I am hoping by being vigilant, but concerntrating on keeping Manderoo safe, I will stay present and not allow another Mand to sneak in unnoticed. This is hard, but this IS progress.

:metoyou: Cheering you on, if ok.
Well done for remembering what to do in a moment of stress - that alone is very impressive. Hugs, Q
Thanks. Still fighting.....
Good job recognizing that small steps forward are still steps forward and in the right direction. Keep being gentle and understanding with yourself. You deserve it.

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