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Mand's Blog


Issues of resistance with my T

Posted by Mand , 31 March 2014 · 144 views

I wasn't going to blog today. But on reading a fellow friend's blog, I feel compelled to write out a few thoughts regarding resistance in therapy. At first, when I was getting to know my T, I did not realise what resistance was or what it meant. After about 6 weeks, my t said to me: "Mand, I'm sorry, but you are still not telling me everything. You are hi...


Things happen that you don't expect

Posted by Mand , 30 March 2014 · 174 views

It has been a lovely Mothers Day. My children decided not to collaborate on my present this year. And their presents reflected their personalities beautifully. This evening, neighbours came over for a sit in the sunshine in our garden, and a glass of wine. This is the one friend who I have entrusted with most things. More, even than my husband. Because th...


Conversations with my T in my head

Posted by Mand , 29 March 2014 · 200 views

Today has been a glorious day. I have been, yet again, mightily humbled by the normalisation of my feelings that occurs when I contact with people on Pandy's. A lot of my support comes from the response to these blogs, but as well, there are some of you with whom I feel very close and I regularly receive PM's from. I had one such PM this morning. And for...


And meanwhile, in my house of Mand's.

Posted by Mand , 28 March 2014 · 140 views

I have just closed my eyes and visited my Mand's. There is one child, no - still two children. They are holding hands. They look far more similar than they did. I believe this is due to giving the Silent One her voice. Manderoo can now touch her, play with her. She talks in whispers with her. I have heard her giggle. I think as the adult Mand's start to a...


Multiple streams of processing

Posted by Mand , 28 March 2014 · 167 views

I am very conscious of two processing streams that are going on within me at the moment.
One relates to work. To feeling cared for. For realising that the actions taken by my colleagues was the kindest, most caring thing I think anyone has ever done for me. They recognised my distress, my pain, they saw that I could not act to care for my self, so...


The chance to have a breather and gain some insight

Posted by Mand , 27 March 2014 · 152 views

So, things progressed very rapidly for me this week in work. After a horrid few days, I am now off work whilst I 'sort myself out'. When I sat with my T today and related what had happened since I spoke with her on Monday, she was very good at masking her reactions. However, she did leak a little. I said to her "I know you don't give a diagnosis, and for...


Dealing with the consequences (Poss *TW* for ED)

Posted by Mand , 25 March 2014 · 193 views

I was anxious about going into work today, after I had got so paranoid yesterday. I had slept from 21:30 last night, pretty much straight through to 6:30 this morning. No nightmares. Yet I still felt exhausted. On entering the office, the two lovely ladies I work mostly with sat me down and said "We need to talk". It was a difficult and ups...


The Meltdown *TW* for SUI

Posted by Mand , 24 March 2014 · 173 views

Today was horrible. Today, I went into meltdown. Whilst I was busy in work, out of the office, I was ok. I was professional, intelligent Mand. Confident and in control. When I was back in the office, the Mand who was bullied in school, the Mand that was paranoid and felt that people were talking about her, were deliberately ignoring her, appeared. The gir...


Finally brave enough to visit my house of Mand's

Posted by Mand , 23 March 2014 · 164 views

It's been a while since I have had the courage to look at how my integration of my dissociated Mand's is going. The Silent One and Manderoo are in the garden. The Silent One is giggling. This is the first time I have heard her. Manderoo is content to have a friend. I still believe these two will become one soon. As I accept what The Silent One endured....


*TW* Assessing and dealing with new memories and erotic transference with my T

Posted by Mand , 23 March 2014 · 334 views

Under a very sensible piece of advice from another blogger, I am going to start this blog entry with a gentle plea. If you can, after reading, just a little acknowledgement that you hear my voice. I don't mind if it is a 'like', or a few words. Admittedly, what I find most helpful is when people read and take the time to respond with their own thoughts, b...

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