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New to it all - a brief introduction

Posted by ddawn , 16 February 2014 · 86 views

I am a female adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse that lasted for 9 years. Quite a lot goes into my story but opening that locked box is for another time. The most important details at this time are that the abuse started at age 6 when my mother married my step father, I finally found the courage and strength to put a stop to the abuse at age 15 and I am now a month away from my 30th birthday. I've never been in therapy of any kind in the last 15 years and will be meeting a t tomorrow afternoon to see if I'm comfortable enough to offload my past without feeling guilty about putting someone in the awkward position of pitying me. Going from the abuse where pretending life was normal to where my whole family had an "out of sight out of mind" perspective where I still had to pretend to be normal, I don't know if I know how to share that part of me. I've often felt like I was on the brink of sanity when life and stress and hurt and anger and all that is emotion bubbles over and explodes but I've become so used to pushing it down I thought I was ok and happy most of the time. There have been several major changes over the last few years that have increased what triggers these emotional outbursts that only make sense to me. I'm very good at analyzing myself and what's causing my pain from the surface but I'm not good at managing what's raging inside. This is what's driven me to seek help.

Any thoughts or advice offered on good qualities in a t would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise, I will just see how it goes tomorrow.

I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by a stepfather from age 4 until I was 10.


I was always comfortable telling people I am a survivor of abuse but nothing else just that statement.  So I thought I was healed.  Wrong.


I kept shoving it all down until one day as my physical health was failing me I had a major breakdown.  I waited too long to get help.  I am paying the price for ignoring it all and pretending all was fine with me.


The therapist I saw after this breakdown knew that I was a CSA by the things I said and how I behaved in our first session and it was her that asked me if I had been abused.


So my advice to your first visit with your T is to state that your a CSA survivor and you believe it is adversely affecting your life and you want help healing.  A good therapist is not going to ask you to spill your guts about all the details.  Mine was gentle and waited for when I was ready to speak of the horrors in detail.   They have exercises to help with anxiety. 


Hope it goes well for you.  Welcome to Pandy's and that you find Pandys

as helpful as I do.  :)

ddawn, I am a survivor of childhood rape by three men.   My anger was kept at bay for over 50 years until one day it all came out in tears, nightmares, and alcohol abuse. 


The best thing I ever did for myself was seeing a therapist.  He helped me bring out a lot of the memories of the past; the terror of the rapes, the abandonment issues and the anger  of knowing that the person who put me at harms way was my mother. 


Therapists help you to feel comfortable in talking about your feelings.  At first you might be very hesitant and unwilling to let someone in on how you feel.  Then before you know it, you hear yourself talking for the first time about the events in your past.   


However, if you ever feel uncomfortable with a therapist, find another, and keep looking until you find one you can feel safe with.  Therapists are no different than anyone else, some can be a good friend, some just fall short of a full deck. 

July 2016

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