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i hate this body

Posted by whodatninja , 11 February 2014 · 51 views

it keeps failing on me. i have to keep pushing forward and pretend everything's fine despite the pain and exhaustion. i'm so sick right now, family bitching at me to eat with them (i hadn't eat much this week because too upset) so had a big dinner. i'm trying to keep it down and it's not making it any better. i look at them and i want to hurt them all. rj...


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validation

Posted by whodatninja , 11 February 2014 · 50 views

i just want to be heard and acknowledged. is that a lot to ask? I just want someone to tell me they heard me my story and don't think I'm lying about it. even if they do just lie to me I don't care. I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall. what do I have to do to get them to see I'm hurting over here?


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getting yelled at

Posted by whodatninja , 11 February 2014 · 46 views

sister yelled at me for passing out from exhaustion saying it's my fault I'm not getting enough sleep. I just clenched my teeth and let her go on knowing it's not my fault the nightmares bother me. mom knows something is bugging me but she gets annoying with her constant asking then saying she won't ask anymore then does it again. ugh pain in my neck retu...


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total exhaustion

Posted by whodatninja , 11 February 2014 · 42 views

almost collapsed in the bathroom. I didn't want mom finding me and freaking out. I barely made it in my room and everything went dark. when I come to its 4 hours later. I still don't feel right. but at least nobody found me. I need to take better care of myself. but it's hard to relax in this house without their incessant questions. how much longer do I h...


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not quite with it

Posted by whodatninja , 11 February 2014 · 68 views

I'm hurting so bad right now the tension is driving me up the wall. I decided that maybe I need to step out of my head a minute and let someone else do the driving. I hadn't done it in a few years but it's either let someone else with a stronger capacity do it or have a total breakdown. the vengeful one is raising his hand ooh let me do it but nah bruh no...


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found one

Posted by whodatninja , 11 February 2014 · 33 views

found an old bottle of painkillers. only 2 Norco but it's better than nothing. and to think tomorrow I have to be sober for no reason at all ugh


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the rest

Posted by whodatninja , 11 February 2014 · 29 views

i don't want the rest of my life to be like this. stuck fighting collapse reset again and again. my family is killing me and they don't care. not one iota. I just need to run off and start over. I need a plan. if I could think straight I'd draw up one but the lack of sleep is making me crazy.


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curled up

Posted by whodatninja , 11 February 2014 · 32 views

rocking trying to keep my shit together. i keep hearing knocking on my window but I'm afraid to look. maybe it's in my head. being on the verge of mental collapse is scary. I don't want to go back there. they're just going to hurt me again.


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sick as a dog

Posted by whodatninja , 11 February 2014 · 29 views

puking my guts from the stress. yay thank you family for that. i lied and said dinner didn't agree with me. it's a big ass lie because i ate dinner like 7 hours ago. whatever they want to beleive, as long as it doesn't interfere with the fake pleasant life they want to put up. how i hate them. how i hate them with every fibre of my being.
 
now i hav...





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