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writing a.letter

Posted by whodatninja , 31 August 2014 · 90 views

I'm trying to write a letter to CB and it's difficult. I have nothing to write and I feel like I'm an undue burden on him. This is too hard. I can't pretend everything is fine with him because he can tell I'm not happy. Even though it's type written he can tell by word choice what's going on. He's the only one who can see through my bullshit lies.
What is...


what to do

Posted by whodatninja , 31 August 2014 · 92 views

Everyone is talking about leaving this old house and going their separate ways. Then they ask what I plan and I said I'm living in a cheap motel. RJ wants me to live with him and I don't want that. I rather kill myself before being under his roof. The family act like I can't care for myself. Sister wants to live with me but then comes up with all these re...



Posted by whodatninja , 31 August 2014 · 70 views

RJ got drunk and tried to molest me again. I pushed him away and told him to sleep it off. He went on home. He tells he loves me and all that bullshit and I told him to stop shining me on. All he cares about is himself and satisfying his need. He has plans of me living with him for the next 30 years. I rolled my eyes and humored him saying sure whatever....


far away

Posted by whodatninja , 30 August 2014 · 92 views

RJ stopped by and he talked about nothing. I wasn't paying much attention and told him I wasn't feeling well. He still wanted to talk and I said yeah sure and made other affirmative sounds. I really don't care.


get on up

Posted by whodatninja , 30 August 2014 · 74 views

I hate getting unwarranted "advice" from others when I dare complain about my struggles. They think it's so easy to get up and going like nothing at all. They just don't get it. I can't tell them because they won't listen. Each day I feel worse. One day I might not be able to get up at all. Their shit advice won't help me then.


some notice

Posted by whodatninja , 30 August 2014 · 124 views

Went to see the neighbors and drank with them. They notice I wasn't happy and I put on the best smile I could muster and lied saying everything is okay. They don't need to know I plan to kill myself at the end of the year. Life will continue on and I don't need to be there. Idiot sister got on my case saying my books aren't selling and I should get a job....


same on a different day

Posted by whodatninja , 30 August 2014 · 120 views

I don't want to live anymore. If I told that to someone they will just put me away medicate me to change my thinking and try to convince me to live a life they think is appropriate. No one listens to me. No one cares about what I think. I'm nobody. And whatever I say they will minimize and discredit that as well. My thoughts and feelings don't matter. I d...


no one to talk to

Posted by whodatninja , 30 August 2014 · 66 views

I wish there was someone I could talk to. Everyone else have busy lives and I'm not even an after thought. Even if I had someone to talk to they probably wouldn't care.


in a lot of pain

Posted by whodatninja , 30 August 2014 · 65 views

This shit weather isn't helping. I have to pretend everything's fine put on a fake smile and fake being happy as I have "nothing to be upset about". It's driving me nuts because I'm not happy and I can't tell anyone. I don't want to go out I don't want to use that soap and mom keeps asking me if everything is okay. Of course I lie. I have to. They won't l...


fitting end

Posted by whodatninja , 30 August 2014 · 133 views

I don't know who I am. I can't find where I'm going. I know not where I belong. I don't know why. I can't remember. All I know is I want to leave this pain behind. I don't want to suffer anymore

If you're reading this...

... then you know I don't put in trigger.gif labels. Welcome inside my head. You've been warned.

July 2016

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