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8 days

Posted by whodatninja , 12 May 2014 · 54 views

8 days until the big three zero and i feel worse when the day steadily approaches. I haven't been able to do anything or enjoy the things i used to like doing (majorly depressed). I saw that my books have been getting an uptick of interest (no sales yet, need to get another book done) but every time i sit in front of the puter to write, nothing comes to m...


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another night

Posted by whodatninja , 07 May 2014 · 64 views

went out again to another concert and had fun. got a free poster. i felt good until sister started her bitching again. in a town of 3 million she complains she can't find one person and think she must be ugly. i told her wtf we're twins so if you're ugly i am too. i'm always gotta keep creepy dudes off me. i started trying to steer the convo in a differen...


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counting down the days

Posted by whodatninja , 07 May 2014 · 43 views

just until the birthday hits. im trying to get work done and it seems everyone is on my case. i keep telling family leave me the fuck alone. i never get any goddamn peace. it's like they can't think for themselves. i wish they stop depending on my money. i got books and other projects to finish before i go. i can't be bothered with life and shit. i'm maki...


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just shut up already

Posted by whodatninja , 07 May 2014 · 77 views

i couldn't enjoy my day today. all my sister did was bitch constantly. about the weather (too hot), how bored she was (she didn't have her headphones to listen to her shitty music), her boyfriend (he never has time for her), her friends (they always so busy), the bus (it's late broken down again), the temp on the bus (not cool enough), the temp in the ven...


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trying to figure

Posted by whodatninja , 30 April 2014 · 81 views

i'm trying to decide if i should stick around longer and finish these stupid books. no matter how much hard work i put into them, they're not going anywhere. i'm not a big fan of talking to people. i don't want to do book signings. i was hoping to have someone else deal with it,. but it all costs shittonnes of money i don't have. so maybe i should accept...


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waiting it out

Posted by whodatninja , 30 April 2014 · 74 views

was at therapy again today and met with the same bs. basically i'm causing my own distress and i'm the problem (according to T). i need to forgive them and stop hating so much. (T's advice) suure, what's the point in that? so after giving the T silent treatment for the remaining 20 minutes, i left out of there. i'm sick of existing here on this planet. no...


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distant and futher more so

Posted by whodatninja , 29 April 2014 · 117 views

i've been stuck here for a year and i've felt gradually worse. the doctors keep telling me to take the happy pills and i tell them it won't stop the thoughts in my head or improve the lot i have to deal with and the constant shit heaped on me by my family. i don't want to keep going through life being an invisible nobody that folks keep trampling on. all...


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no room for improvement

Posted by whodatninja , 28 April 2014 · 103 views

i'm reading others' blogs and see they're doing a lot better and it seems like i'm just stuck in the mud. maybe i should just blame myself for being stuck, since i keep paying for family's bullshit and have the audacity to whine about it. i was going to run away, but it won't change anything. i still hate living and don't like being around other people. t...


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something something then nothing

Posted by whodatninja , 28 April 2014 · 56 views

stomachache again, but most likely due to stress. it's getting difficult to focus on work because of the crushing depression. most days i don't want to leave bed, but i have shit to do and i have to pretend everything is fine. i'm sick of talking to people. they always think they know better. they're the main ones who don't listen so at this point i've st...


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very sad

Posted by whodatninja , 28 April 2014 · 49 views

i hate it that my family don't listen to me. when i need to talk to someone or air greviances or rant, they shut me down and tell me to shut up because it's depressing or boring, yet i have to listen to their stupid problems and pretend to care. they always say why can't you just tell your therapist all this and stop inflicting it on us? well, my therapis...






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