drained of all i have
my family says i look really sick. i smile and lie and say i'm fine. i wish i had an overdose that night. but i did my usual, putting on limits, counting out the exact grams and paying attention to my levels. he's reckless and a user, and thinks everyone else is a problem but him. i was looking at him while he was on the phone having another one of his rants, pacing and chain smoking and i pretended to care, while knowing he's just as bad as everyone else despite the veneer of being nice. i have a shitty knack for picking so-called friends. i don't have any real ones. i can count off all the so-called friends who did so much shit to me. but any 'true' ones who've been 'there' for me? not a single one.