i have to see the clowns tomorrow. i really don't want to. they're already threatening me with forced commitance which i swore i will fight. they have me pegged as seriously ill. i told them show me a test and i'll beleive it. i hadn't any issues because i stay my ass at home and drink alone. they say i have a problem and that i'm being avoidant. i hate people. people and crowds annoy me. why should i be sociable around fucking idiots who are a waste of my time? no matter how hard i work, i have to deal with their bullshit on a daily basis which i don't have a paitence for. i practice zen to keep from fighting fools. i know i have a drinking problem. i've cut back considerably and limit myself to 2 strong cocktails (or 4 weak ones). it's always a tom collins. i haven't a martini or cosmopolitan in a long time.
i think i'm doing better. i should know, i'm in my body. those assclowns only see me maybe once a week when i begrudgingly show up and they don't know how my life is. they don't understand. i really seriously don't trust white people, or any other person really, even people brown like me. i don't trust any fucking body because someone is always out to hurt me in some way. the clowns say i'm being paranoid. i can't be nice to others. being nice invites evil people who find some way to hurt me. it's a given. it always happen. men especially. they're very evil. and those clowns never ever get it because they never fucking listen.