not looking forward to this
no one's ever asked me how i feel, or why i'm sad or why i want to kill myself. i'm constantly getting invalidated and it's really pissing me off. i'm always getting a smile and nod and told to work harder and thingsd will improve. things aren't going to improve.
i tried to tell CC that she can do whatever she wants and stop trying to guilt me too. but it kept raining and i had my laptop with me and no umbrella. when i got back, mother and sister was in my face, bitching how thereapy couldn't have been that long and where was i blah blah blah. never mind it's 2 hours across town or that it rained and i had no umbrella. i don't know what the weather is like because i no longer have a telly, radio or phone. i don't know why they keep trying to watch me so close. i hadn't said or done anything to make them suspicious. and it's really working my last nerve.
i wish they'd leave me alone. i wish people would stop talking to me. i hate making conversation, een if its over mundane bullshit. if i don't answer, they cop an attitude and cuss me out. i don't like being friendly. making "friends" is stupid idea, just gets other people to hurt me somehow.
i'm not going to this new therapist. i told her i stopped caring about life a long time ago. i got books to write and when i finish i'm gone. the books are stupid anyway since no one's reading them, and i can't sell them, and nobody cares as usual. i just have to admit i'm a no talent hack.