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something something then nothing

Posted by whodatninja , 28 April 2014 · 104 views

stomachache again, but most likely due to stress. it's getting difficult to focus on work because of the crushing depression. most days i don't want to leave bed, but i have shit to do and i have to pretend everything is fine. i'm sick of talking to people. they always think they know better. they're the main ones who don't listen so at this point i've stopped trying to talk to people. i bet the few who skim this blog probably think i'm some negative bitchy person. i used to say i was a dour realist, but now i don't give two shits anymore. i hate waking up every morning. i wish i didn't wake up at all. yet every fucking morning i wake up. i really don't want to. i told CC how i felt and she too glossed it over. (it wasn't about her or her pessimistic view of the world). so i'm just left to my own devices. i want to get things in order before i go, but then i realise what's the point because i don't have friends or family (aside from CB but he's in the clink so it won't count) and they won't do anything but sell/trash my things. so that other plan looks really really good by now and i'm just sitting on my hands counting the remaining days. my birthday, another stupid day in another stupid year and i'm still a nobody who writes apparently expensive doorstoppers that nobody ever reads. i was going to try to live as long as i can to finish writing these books, but at this point, it's a fucking total waste of my time. i get it universe, nobody gives a damn about me. i won't even show up in the obits. the only thing my immediate family will miss is my money, because my crazy check keeps the lights on.



If you're reading this...

... then you know I don't put in trigger.gif labels. Welcome inside my head. You've been warned.

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