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giving up

Posted by whodatninja , 25 February 2014 · 40 views

i really don't want to but I'm tired of fighting. I try and try and its never good enough. I'm not good enough. it makes my stomach turn the sheer hatred I have for people right now. I can't trust anyone anymore. just keep pretending. keep telling myself I'm fine and I'll eventually believe it. Pollyanna sunshine rainbows unicorns and shit. happy happy joy joy. I just want to fucking puke. if I could kill myself I would I promised I wouldn't but it won't count if its by proxy would it? it'd be a slow and agonizing death but hey at least it would match what I feel inside. my t thinks I'm just a useless junkie. he condemns me though he claim he doesn't but I know from the way he acts and sounds and wants to get all self righteous with his Christian bullshit. I had to sit on my hands to keep from hitting him and clenched my teeth to keep from cussing his fool ass out. I'm going to take a sleeping pill and forget for awhile. I won't OD I did that once before and they made me drink charcoal after tying me down and busted my nose trying to force the smallest tubes they had. I puked and puked and puked for hours. I hate puking. so a pill to sleep drink enough to pass out then another pill to sleep until eventually I won't have to wake up


If you're reading this...

... then you know I don't put in trigger.gif labels. Welcome inside my head. You've been warned.

November 2014

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