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why?

Posted by whodatninja , 10 February 2014 · 60 views

i just don't get it. is it some failing in some previous life that i fucked up so hard that now i'm in a constant shitstorm? happiness? what's that? hell if i know. serenity? who's that? search me, man, no clue. peace? lolz wut? ugh, i wish i didn't have to artificially feel happy by drugs booze or the combination of the two. my t wants to talk to my psych about upping my meds. yeah, let's see what's that's gonna do. numb the fuck out of it. and just keep letting shit happen.
i don't have a life anymore. i'm doomed to just being used like a damn sheet of toilet paper. it's already too late for me to be saved. suck it up and die inside and keep pushing forward. who am i kidding about breaking free from this? fucking bastards stole my life from me from the jump. keep faking my way hoping it gets better. keep faking my way with a fake smile despite how bad i hurt. keep faking my way and pretend everything's fine despite getting the shit kicked out of me, despite the shiner and just lie about it because telling the truth don't do a damn thing. nobody believes me in the first place. just keep faking until my heart stops.
i so could use some H right now. fuck... i just don't want to feel anything anymore.



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