there's a part of me that wants redemption. i don't know where to look to find it. i can't talk to my t about it because he'll get all jesus whatnots and i might not hold back and punch him. this is too much for me to handle. only one more stressor and i know i'll fucking snap. i keep laughing to keep from crying and i laugh because i can't cry and i have to bite my hand because my laugh sounds weird like i'm really losing my shit. then i have to force myself to be quiet and not laugh because then my family will ask me what's funny and i might just start crying.
i wish it was already monday. i can't take one more day. i'm pissed off at my sister she waited so long to go to the store with me that i was too late to send off money to CB so now he won't call me and i so need to hear his voice before i snap. i hope he calls today.