i really don't want to deal with B's flunky ass either because he's a user too. he only calls me when he wants something and forgets me when he don't. one time he had the audacity to ask me for money and i asked if he was inviting me to hang out he said no. i told him to kick rocks. how dare you ask me for money and we're not even going drinking together? fuck this is why i swore off friends. they use me. i just don't want to be alone when that date comes around. i don't want to drink by myself with those thoughts and end up calling RJ or any one of those men i hate but fall back on when i want to punish myself and be filled with regret in the morning. i could ask computer D to hang out, but i got his crazy ass brother who will rape me every chance he gets. computer D is so absentminded and don't see that i'm scared of his brother and he keeps leaving me with him. computer D is a stupid dumbass and believes whatever his brother tells him. though i'm taller by 6 inches and outweigh his brother by a good 150 pounds, he's 5'5 and 120# of pure crazy and i can't have that tonight. it won't be long before he calls me too because computer D is friends with crackhead D and crackhead D will bug him and computer D will flake fold and call me up, knowing i say yes every time he asks me to come over though i know in the back of my mind crackhead D is putting him up to it and i should know better.
given all my choices, RJ is the lesser of the evils, but because VW and he are feuding again, i'm going to get the brunt of the abuse. though he belted me once because i hit him, he holds grudges and still hadn't forgiven me after 2 years when i snapped and tried to stab him. i think he just loves punishing me. i must like this sort of thing because i keep going to him when i feel like shit. we're going to hell together he keeps telling me. you're staying with me forever he keeps telling me. i need a goddamn drink. i feel so much like shit right now. fuck this snow, i'm going to 7/11. i need to not feel anything right now. i need to prepare. it's unavoidable. fuck my life. krishna help me.