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that girl

Posted by whodatninja , 08 February 2014 · 68 views

i had another nightmare yet again, but this time about that girl who raped me when i went to the girl's school. i started thinking about this body i hate so much. i know i'm a boy, i knew this since i was little, but i had to keep pretending i was a girl. i'm looking at my closets and inside are all men's clothes. every last one of them. i hide my ties though, because mom and sister bitch at me about looking too much like a man. the dresses are in the trunk, i only wear them during the summer. it makes me uncomfortable. even underneath i need to wear shorts. i only wear them because when i visit my mom and sister, i have to pretend i'm a girl. so they stop bitching at me. i'm getting sick of pretending. i hate being female. i hated it since i could remember. i really hated it when those horrible things developed on my chest. i still have scars underneath when i tried to cut them off. no matter what i said to my past therapists, they say i'm just confused. i need to accept it. i'm dying, i don't want to be a girl anymore. they keep hurting that girl, punishing her because i'm not being who i'm supposed to be. that girl needs to die. she wasn't meant to exist. i'm probably too old now and cursed to be a girl until i die. i don't want to wait until the next lifetime. i want her gone now so they can stop torturing her.

If you're reading this...

... then you know I don't put in trigger.gif labels. Welcome inside my head. You've been warned.

June 2016

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